Real Life Dramas

Quit Scheming, Get Ahead Without Stooping Low!

2011-08-24T11:15:00.004+08:00

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. Be clear about what is expected of you in your job. Sit with your boss to discuss Key Performance Indicator. It is advisable to do a six-month review to share opinion and get feedback on your performance.

KNOW YOURSELF. You need to know yourself to manage yourself, and your career, better. A useful exercise is to define who you are as a brand. Do a reality check with a simple Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities & Threats (SWOT) analysis of yourself. See where you stand now and where you want to be. What do people think of you? All strong brands have a consistent, distinct image. What is yours?

KNOW YOUR CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE. Start with the people you work directly: your internal bosses, peers, subordinates and external partners. Extend this to others you work with indirectly - your boss's boss, your client's boss, your suppliers, etc. They all have a direct or indirect influence on your career. What is your relationship with them like? How are you perceived?

BE POSITIVE. Positive people tend to have more ideas and solutions. They are wired to be optimistic and forward-thinking, seeing opportunity rather than blocks. This optimism tends to be infectious and attracts others to you.

LESS TALK, MORE ACTION. In reverse, your credibility will be questioned. Act quickly and decisively. Make a stand when needed and help others carry the day. All these are signs of a good leader.

BE AGILE. Today's changing work environment requires you to adapt and be comfortable crossing boundaries. Don't wait to be instructed or settle for the normal path. Instead, show initiative and be nimble.

BEHAVE PROFESSIONALLY. In your daily dealings with clients and colleagues. Don't allow personal issues or grudges to creep into your work, e.g. preferential treatment or being difficult because you don't like the person. Getting ahead has a lot to do with managing your circle of influence - build credit and recognise the value of working with people. What goes around comes around!

LIFE IN THE OFFICE - New Kid On The Block

2011-08-24T10:22:00.002+08:00

Great Ideas And Thoughts To Make That Job A Little Easier.

You landed that new job that's a step higher up the corporate ladder. It's the first day on the job. You're excited, but also a little anxious. Not surprising really. You'd be dealing with new surroundings, colleagues, and expectations. Here are the tips;

Be Aware. Get a feel of how the place works - the layout, the culture, the rules, the pecking order, etc. Is it the formal or informal? Find out the dress code before you start.

Get Comfortable. Bring momentos that put you at the ease. Personalise your working area, but take care not to break any rules.

Integrate. Be friendly and courteous to co-workers. Get on the office grapevine, but don't contribute to gossip.

Communicate. If you have doubts about your new task and assignments, ask. Make sure that you know what is expected of you so that you can deliver.

4 LOVE MISTAKES SMART PEOPLE MAKE

2011-08-23T11:53:00.007+08:00

Dance around the most common love potholes couple fall into and say ta-ta to fights and failed relationships.

1) SETTING UP HOUSE TOO QUICKLY. It's quite common for couples to become very besotted, very quickly. The problem is, for the first three to 18 months of most relationships, people have their loved-up glasses on and can't make sensible decisions. When couples first meet, they're influenced by a need to hold on onto that someone special. They often see what they want to see and don't make time for important conversations about what they really want. So what can you do?
Make a different commitment, like holidaying together to test the waters first. Also, map out your future plans to make sure you're on the same page. It may sound scary, but it's better to know now than later. The ingredients for a strong relationship are trust and congruence, and these don't develop overnight - these things take time.

2) MAKING COMPARISON. Everyone's relationship is different and making comparison is pointless. Not only does it take the focus away from your own relationship, but they're often wrong. Just because the couple look perfect doesn't mean they still are behind closed doors. The binding glue of any relationship is friendship, interest, affection and enjoyment. You really have to focus on these four things if you're going to make your union work. Talk to your partner about any concerns, think positively and do things outside your comfort zone. Making comparisons and laying blame is just lazy.

3) SEEING EVERYTHING FROM ONLY ONE SIDE. Not listening to each other is a huge problem for many couples. They're so busy defending their point of view that they forget to resolve the issue at hand. Writing your thoughts in a letter, talking through problems and staying good-humoured is the key to having an equal relationship. Don't make mountains out of small issue; it takes a confident person to accept other people's opinions.

4) FORGETTING TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. If you ask a troubled couple what's missing from their relationship, they'll say quality time. Most people sacrifice "couple time" when they should be doing the exact opposite. Slow yourself down and don't analyse too often. We all make mistakes; the trick to a love-filled life is putting time into overcoming them.

SIGNS THAT YOU NEED A NEW BEST FRIEND

2011-08-22T15:14:00.002+08:00

@ You struggle to return her calls. It's too much of an effort.

@ You find yourself wanting to talk to someone else after a tough day/an interesting date/a fight with a colleague.

@ She's not one of the first people whose birthday you write down in your new diary.

@ You realise after a while that you haven't seen her new paint effect in her lounge. Less than a year ago, you would've been painting the walls with her.

@ She seem a little too fascinated by your new man, a little too uninterested in your new job.

@ Her new passion in life just doesn't excite you.

@ You find the fact that she gets jealous of your other attachments a little unnerving.

@ You disagree, quite harshly, about a money issue.

@ She needs too much attention, and you feel you're not getting enough.

@ She tells a mutual friend your darkest secret - and gets irritated when you confront her.

THE NEW CORPORATE GAMES - What's Going On In The Career World Today?

2011-08-22T14:32:00.003+08:00

We're discovers how the corporate culture of companies isn't how it used to be. People forget that the higher you climb, the harder your job becomes. There'll be more people to deal with, more responsibilities to look into, and more challenges to face up to. To survive this would be by having to make more mistake and to trudge through more sticky situations, so you need to be brave.

1) Back in the 80s, successful career women were as stiff as the power suits they wore.

2) In fact, the mainstream attire pretty much personified how women are suppose to think, be and act.

3) Thankfully, over the years, thing have changed. Today, the challenge for women has little to do with how we project ourselves physically, rather it's more a mental feat - and it's not easy.

4) For one, success no longer means adding digits to your pay cheque, instead it's knowing how to balance your sanity and stress levels.

5) It's also making the decisions that are right for you , even if it means saying no to a promotion in exchange for a family or less stress.

6) The corporate culture has changed - and like it or not, you need to know the rules in order to cope.

MAKING IT WORK @ HOME - The Commom Pitfalls Of Going Solo

2011-08-22T11:24:00.005+08:00

1) No Homework Done. It's essential to gather as much info as you can about your type of business to see if the idea will take off. Research similar businesses, unearth your competition, and figure out your target market. Visit conferences and trades shows, and surf the internet.

2) Ignorant of legalities. The legalities of starting a home business such as tax payments and exemptions can get complicated. Instead of stressing yourself, why not employ a tax consultant's service to offer you advice on managing your finances?

3) No Support System. Working and living under the same roof is going to interfere with your family's dynamics. Their support is important to your success. They need to help you juggle responsibilities and boost your confidence when your spirits are down.

4) Insufficient Saving. If you've always had a regular pay cheque, your income will take a steep nosedive when you first start out on your own. That's why you need to have at lease six month's pay for financial security.

5) Not Written A Mission Statement. Define your business and its goal in three months, six months and a year from now. Having a mission helps keep you on track when you might get lost sometimes in the madness of it all.

6) Failing To Organise. This is where years of meeting office deadlines come in handy. Being your own boss can be tricky when you're a procrastinator. Hang a production schedule on the wall to make sure you stick to set deadlines! Don't get backlogged in bookkeeping by sending out invoices promptly. Clients may take up to 90 days to pay, and you'll be out of the income even longer if you delay in billing them. Keep a logbook on expenses to make sure overheads are covered.

7) Being Too Timid About Negotiating. Don't sell yourself short, but don't price your products or service out of the market either. Check around and be competitive so you know you're being paid enough.

What Kind Of Spender Am I?

2011-08-19T10:10:00.002+08:00

1) The Extravagant Spender. The one who always picks up the tab at the hippest joints and has the latest gadgets. Money meant power to you. DOWNSIDE: Others see you as a "show off" or take your generousity for granted. It's hard for you to find true friends. CHANGE: If you're gonna foot the bill, make sure it's for a special occasion to celebrate or treat the person with an occasion to celebrate - not their entire entourage.

2) The Overboard Giver. Someone who often splurges on lavish gifts for others. Money means gaining acceptance from others. DOWNSIDE: You can send the wrong message - that you're overeager to please or have ulterior motives. CHANGE: Give simple yet tasteful gifts, but only when there's an occasion. Small gestures will often do, such as baking brownies.

3) The Self-Centered Spender. You spend beyond your means buying the best of everything. Money may mean you can buy self-worth. :DOWNSIDE You keep buying bigger and better things to make yourself better. CHANGE: Control your spending but give yourself a small reward once in a while for your progress.

Fast Facts To Help You Beat The CLOCK, With No STRESS!

2011-08-18T11:40:00.000+08:00

Get The Kids To Sit Still
* And teach them how to enjoy spending time at the Dinner Table too.
Remember that your tot's attention span will last 15 minutes max, with your pre-schooler's lasting a little longer. So if you expecting them to sit through your elaborate three-course meal, you may end up disillusioned, not to mention frustrated. Use these tips to keep their attention and make mealtimes memorable.

> AVOID DISTRACTIONS. Turn Off the TV or video games during mealtime. You may be tempted to keep the TV on so he can watch as you feed him, but this actually distracts him from his own body signals, and he won't be able to tell if he's hungry or full.

> WATCH THE SNACKS. If he's not hungry at the dinner, check if he's been fed a snack too close to mealtime. Try to have a two-hour gap between snack and mealtimes then.

> START SMALL. Get your child to stay at the table for small periods of time, and gradually increase this as he grows up. Try to include him in your conversations as well. This shows you value him as part of the family, no matter how young.

> LEARN TO SHARE. Show your children equal respect by offering them five minutes each to talk about their day. If they know they will get their chance to share, they will wait their turn and not leave the table. Or try a word game: for example, name a category, like fruits, and each person takes turns naming something in that category after a taking bite.

> WHEN DINING OUT. If you've already started a stay-at-the-table habit at home. it's likely the children will behave better at a restaurant. You can let them pack a colouring book or a toy they can play with while they wait for their meal as an appetiser so it comes first. Keep them occupied with a game like "I Spy" too.

My webpage get into serious issue! It's detected malware found.

2011-06-25T12:44:00.000+08:00

It's really annoyed me with warning page appear everytime i want to visit or updating my page. I've been issued it to the google team member but there are very slow action taken.

Sad! Sad! Sad!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 2011

2010-12-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks for visiting my blog..

God bless & cheers everyone..

The Woman Men Adore..and Never Want to Leave!!

2010-07-28T18:06:00.001+08:00

How to Captivate a Man, Make Him Fall in Love with You -- and Give You the World!"
The secret to understanding men -- and using it to your advantage.

When it comes to your relationships with men, which of the following do you find yourself saying?

"Why didn't he call?" "How can I find the right man?
"Why do I always date losers?
"Why doesn't he love me anymore?
"What am I doing wrong?
"Why do some women have great relationships with men -- and mine are always dull, unfulfilling and boring?
"If only I could understand men...."

If you checked one or more of the above, then the following article may be the most eye-opening one you'll ever read.

The important thing to remember is that you're not alone. Most women -- whether single or married -- have asked themselves these kinds of questions. In my 16 years of relationship counseling, I've found that the reason women have these concerns is because they simply don't understand men.

Did you know ... that you as a woman, by virtue of your femininity, have in your hands the delicious power to make a man fall in love with you, influence a man to your way of thinking, bring him to his knees, make him want to spend his life with you -- and want to fulfill your every desire?

Yes, it's true! And the best part is that you can do it easily and effortlessly by being yourself -- and NOT shaping yourself into someone you're not just to keep your man interested.

So How Much is All This Worth to You?

If you're a single woman, what is the value of becoming totally irresistible to men, attracting the man of your dreams, making him fall in love with you, marry you and give you everything your heart desires?

If you're a married woman, how would your life improve when you reignite the spark in your marriage, make your husband fall in love with you all over again, enjoy deeper intimacy with him, and have an enduring marriage?

What is the value of not wasting any more time trying to figure men out, and read them like a book instead -- or having the ability to easily diffuse quarrels, arguments, and other relationship troubles as they occur, and be able to effortlessly influence your man to your way of thinking?

What price can you put on learning to become a woman that men adore ... and never want to leave?

$3,000? $2,000? $1,000?

Would you believe it if I told you that The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave won't even cost you $500? No, not even $100. Or $50. Your investment in your relationships -- and your life -- is only...

.... $47

CLICK HERE for more details.

This is the Last Relationship Book You'll Ever Read !

Withdraw $ in Paypal Direct to Bank Account.

2010-03-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

So excited when I know that we can withdraw $ from Pay pal direct to bank account in Malaysia. The charge is very minimal which is only RM3 for every transaction.

Uhmm.. What I'm waiting for? Hurry up load my Paypal account with $ sign. How to load? So many ways. You can join adgitize.com, sponsoredreviewed.com, easyhits4u.com or payperpost.com. They use Paypal to pay you.

Watchaaa!!

Hundreds of Twitter Followers In Just One Night

2009-10-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

I'm using TwitterBlasterPro. Promote your business, product or yourself using this tool on Twitter. Grab this tool for free by clicking this LINK

Thanks GDI You Make My Life Even Better

2009-10-16T11:47:00.002+08:00

I've been seen the GDI promotional campaign since 2004 but I never care to join. And I really regret it! I couldn't imagine if I joined that early may be I could earn more than 4K per month. Now more and more people from worldwide joining this program since it offered INCOME FOR LIFE even while they're sleeping. The compensation plan is easy and profitable and what most interesting it's a in long term income. Imagine if you got 3,125 downline you will earn $3,905 per month as long as they stay with GDI. Don't worry about the loyalty of your downline, because they won't cancel their GDI account with one good reason that they just like you to earn $3,905 per month.

Watch this video

$10 per month is very affordable to start your own online business and may be you make it as your career of life. Starting 2007 GDI Leaderboard have earned $1,000-$4000 per week because of the massive bonus not including their net income from GDI. And their paycheck monthly? Here is the proof:

But, bear in mind, this is not rich-quick scheme and all this doesn't happen overnight. Fast money, easy money or free money does not exist!

If you work alone without guidance and tips, you might be hard to start your GDI business, to make it's easier you should team up with professional internet marketer who's already earned 5 figure per month.

They have been created the system and tools that make thing easier to promote without we crack our head to think how to start immediately. It's free to join and start making money online for free now.

Click HERE to start!

Men's Skin Care - One Step For Men.

2009-10-07T13:15:00.003+08:00

Ever thought to do some repairs on your skin? Before it's too late you better act now! Get your Men's Skin Cream by purchasing it via online. This product is made from advanced formula by the famous Dr. Kalil. It's contains Retinol and antioxidants which is very important for cell regeneration and built collagen to avoid from any major skin problems that a lot of us facing nowadays especially when we're expose under the sun.

Men's Skin Cream also ideal for teen-age skin, male or female. It's worth for your money and give it a try now!

My favorite high fashion eyeglasses

2009-10-07T11:34:00.001+08:00

I never thought to buy any eyeglasses online before until I came across to this site which is offer a very reasonable price from as low as $ 8 Rx eyeglasses. They not only offer a cheap price but they also offer a high quality and stylish prescription eyeglasses. From all stylish prescription eyeglasses models they have, I picked three of my favorite high fashion eyeglasses:-

1. 4911 Stainless Steel Full-Rim Frame with Pattern on Temples

2. 3730 Pure Titanium Partial Rim Frame with Plastic Temples

3. 2316 Plastic Half-Rim Frame with Spring Hinge

All the three models above really suited me. I can wear each of them during my indoor and outdoor activities. The best thing about purchasing these three item is that the price is still within my budget including the shipping cost.

By purchasing any product or complete prescription eyeglasses online is a one way how you can start spending smart rather then you go directly to the shop. It's save time and cost.

LinkFromBlog-buy blog reviews, advertise on blog!

2009-09-23T11:07:00.003+08:00

LinkFromBlog.com is another great get paid to review advertiser goods and services by posting the review on your blog. The difference form other paid to review site, is bloggers send out the invitation review to the advertisers from the offer lists available and set the price of their own.And all you have to do is wait for the advertisers approval.

Even your blog is placed on a foreign platform (for example, blogspot.com, livejournal.com, twitter.com) you still can earn faster and much.They also 0% commission for Bloggers and absolutely free money withdrawals.

As for the advertisers, the review can be lowest as $0.10 per review which is low cost and low pressure advertising ever.

Sign up for FREE and start monetize your blog NOW!

Get it down in writing

2009-09-08T11:52:00.001+08:00

Blogging, journaling - call it what you want, writing or typing out of your thoughts and feelings helps your body more than you know!

1. SLEEP MORE SOUNDLY

Penning your feelings down before bedtime brings about relaxation that help promote sleep.

2. HEALTHY HEART.

Writing about emotional topics such as missing your boyfriend helps to lower blood pressure and heart rate, keeping your ticker in better shape.

3. SHOO STRESS AWAY!

A month of expressive writing can help reduce hypertension. You may feel worse at first when writing about your worries, so keep at it for at least three days till you pass that phase.

4. IMPROVE YOUR IMMUNITY

Expressive writing may encourage production of white blood cells, which fight infection, suggest researchers from the University of Texas at Austin. That translates to fewer flu-inflicted days!

Germy Hot spots!

2009-09-04T21:40:00.004+08:00

Sniff. Cough. Ah-choo! Another day wasted cos you're sick? From your toothbrush to the boyfriend's lips, you'd be surprised where bacteria like to hang out.

1.The toilet (Bacteria alert: Low)

Yes, there are plenty of bacteria in, on, and around toilets (mostly faecal bacteria such as E.coli). In fact some public toilets that are cleaned daily may be cleaner than ours at home! But the likelihood of you falling sick from any commode? Slim to almost none. As long as you wash your hands, those bugs won't make their way into your mouth and digestive tract, where they could cause diarrhoea. The germiest part of a toilet? It's the underside of the seat, which gets splashed with toilet water each time you flush. so if the seat is up, use tissue to put it down.

2.Your shower (Bacteria alert: High)

That pinkish slime that forms on your bathroom walls, tub or shower curtains is serratia marcescens, the germ that can cause UTI or pinkeye if it gets to your urethra or eyes when you're taking a bath/shower! To prevent this disgusting film from forming, scrub your bathroom surfaces once a week. If you notice telltale signs of pink slime on your shower stall or shower curtain, do replace them - stat!

3. Money (Bacteria alert: Medium)

Over 50 million bacteria cells including E.coli and Staph often lurk on money, but they won't make sick.

4.Your mobile phone (Bacteria alert: Low)

The average mobile phone is crawling with 300 more times germs than a public toilet seat, according to a survey conducted by a Dial-a-phone (a UK-based mobile phone shop)! The irradiated heat of mobile phone's interior make bacteria flourish, and what's worse , there are kept in warm areas such as your bags and pockets. Mobile phones contain the most skin bacteria, and since most of the bugs are yours, they can't really hurt you. Just wash your hands if you've used someone else mobile phone.

5. Your toothbrush (Bacteria alert: High)

Microscopic droplets of moisture can fly up to a whopping 20 feet when you flush, so whatever that's in your toilet bowl can eventually land on the fine bristles on your toothbrush. Eeuw! Keep your toothbrush head in a plastic cap that you can buy from the pharmacy or inside the bathroom cabinet.To kill off many germs, let your toothbrush dry out in between uses.

5 hints he's gonna put a ring on it!

2009-09-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

He's been acting strange lately? His awkward behaviour may just be pre-proposal jitters! Here are more clues:

He's ultra-helpful! A sudden interest in your fave brand of bedsheets is him trying to prove he's hubby material. Before he pops the question, he'll subconsciously try to show off his domestic side so you see him as a potential husband.
He talk himself up. It's instinctual for men to be breadwinners even if you have a great career and income level. He'll frequently point out his abilities in the weeks leading up to the proposal such as casual hints regarding his upcoming ginormous bonus.
He behaves like you've just started dating. Planning a proposal reignites that new love buzz for most men similar to when he first fell for you. It could be flowers and elaborate dates for no reason at all!
He quizzes you. If he's been asking random questions, e.g. your fave childhood memory, he may be gathering info to plan the perfect proposal! Not only does he want it to be special, he know your friends will ask, 'How did he do'?
He's into the details. Even if he's positive you'll say yes, he's still terrified of pulling off the feat. If he freaks out about being on time for dinner, or he's borderline aggressive when he insists you order champagne, it's possible he's got something sparkly up his sleeve or in his pocket!

Do you have a good manners?

2009-09-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

Because polite people won't tell you you're rude. Find out if you're more brat than debutante.

1.Social Light
You're no need of further refinement. Deftly using decorum to manoeuvre yourself through all shorts of tight spots, you have an uncanny way of putting anybody at ease.No wonder, then, friends continually come to you for advice and approval on the right thing to do. Being forever on best behavior has enriched your own life too, making you promotable, loveable - a regular on everybody's A list for party invitations.

2.Borderline Brat
You know what's proper and decent, dear girl. Still, you can be a bit of a slouch - often to finesse life's more awkward moments ( a hostess who misintroduces you as a beau's ex-girlfriend, for example). Why not take this hint? The next time you hear mummy's voice in the back of your head tsk-tsk-ing a potential faux pas, listen. A touch more polish could land you a second date with that rockstar-to-be.

3.Total PIG!
Julia Robert in Pretty Woman may have had the luxury of a table-manners tutor, but finding one of your own seems unlikely - especially as most polite company prefer to stay a discreet distance away from you. The first step to more refined ways? Learning to show others the same courtesy you'd like them to show you, Investing in a comprehensive etiquette book should also help add some class to your act!

How to be genuinely happy for others!

2009-09-01T10:19:00.001+08:00

Secretly wish you had what your friend has, or that she didn't have everything? Kick the nasty jealousy and turn it into admiration and self-improvement.

Learn to recognize when you're feeling jealous.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself whether being jealous will achieve anything.
Stop viewing people as threats or rivals; see them as equal.
Show interest in others' success; ask questions and take their advice.
Remind yourself of your of your good qualities.
Set some short-term goals and reward yourself as you achieve each one.
Learn from your blunders.
Be thankful for what you have.

good-time guy or alcoholic?

2009-08-31T11:27:00.000+08:00

Has your guy's drinking too far and tipped over from a social lubricant to something he can't live without? Does he:

1.Find he can't face an increasing number of situations, such as parties, uni presentations or work meetings without calming his nerves with a drink first?

2.Sneak drinks at home or seem unable to go without a drink at lunch?

3.Intend to have just one relaxing glass of wine or beer most nights with dinner, only to drink the whole bottle or six-pack of Heineken?

4.Often drink to the point where his personality changes or he can't remember what he did?

5.Ever have a alcohol to calm a panic attack or shakes?

6.Appear anxious, out of control or aggressive if he runs out of alcohol at home?

7.Often call in sick to work because he's severely hung over that he need to stay in bed?

8.Keep mints or toothbrush and toothpaste at work or in his car to mask the smell of alcohol?

9.Wipe himself out binge drinking every time you socialise?

10.Sometime resolve to give up drinking or drink way less, but can only go without a drop for a couple of days?

If you answered "YES" to two of these questions, it's highly likely your boyfriend has a dependency on alcohol. Seek professional advice and support from a drug and alcohol counsellor.

Why it's cool to be warm..

2009-08-29T16:10:00.004+08:00

If you want to be happier, turn up your inner central heating. That's because it's the warm and affectionate among us who truly attract fulfilling opportunities.

You can buy sex appeal. you can learn charm. But genuine warmth is worth much more - after all, it's all about having a relaxed attitude and not taking yourself too seriously. warm women give the impression that what you see is what you get(WYSIWYG), that you are seeing the 'real' them.

Warm women don't pretend to be something they're not. Which is why so few women under 30 exude true warmth. In our 20s, we're too self-absorbed and too busy promoting an image the world will approve of.

But as we grow older, so does our ability to radiate warmth. Warmth is one truly alluring quality that is more easily accessed with each successive birthday. And yes, we should be cultivating this asset. Why? In tough times like these - with an economic recession, depressing job cuts and gloomy news headlines - real warmth carries us through.

In difficult times, warmth is wonderful shortcut - it helps you engage with people and forge firm relationships quickly when you're under pressure. Good relationships are the foundation of business success and personal happiness. People with natural warmth should realise what a wonderful gift it is - and how silly it would be not to let it show.

Warmth will also open doors as it is the gateway to a bulging contacts list. For women especially, our natural warmth is a great ally in more productive networking.

There are three body-language signals that convey warmth - smiling, nodding and being tactile - which are magnified in warm people. Smiling is an unequivocal sign of approval. Nodding is more interesting: Even if you are verbally disagreeing with someone, they'll feel that you approve of them and feel warmer towards you - as long as you're nodding at the same time.

If you want to be memorable, let your warmth flow through. You never know whether the next person you heat up will be the one to introduce you to that new job, friend or opportunity.

Benefits of Traffic Exchange..

2009-08-28T11:32:00.002+08:00

There are many ways to generate traffics to your site. BUT which is the most effective and satisfied you? I've been member to many social media websites such as MyBlogLog, BlogCatalog, Facebook and even Twitter. So far BlogCatalog give me more visitors above of all.

BUT, that is not ENOUGH! I need more than that! Until I found a traffic exchange website which is more easier to get real traffic plus I get paid while surfing! Easyhits4u.com is the solution!

1.How does this site work?
This site is a 1:1 traffic exchange system. It helps webmasters to promote their sites.
For each site you visit using our system you'll receive one visitor back to your own Web site or referral link!

2.Is it free to participate?
Yes, it is absolutely free!

3.How many accounts can I create?
Members are limited to 2 accounts per person. If you create more than 2 accounts, all your accounts will be terminated.

4.How can I earn hits to my site?
To start earning hits you must signup, log in to your members account, and click on the "Start Surfing" menu option.

5.And what about your referral program?
We have 5-tier referral program (10%, 5%, 3%, 2%, 1%). It means that you'll receive 10%
of hits earned by people whom you've directly referred, 5% of hits earned
by people referred by your referrals and so on through 5 tiers!

6.How can I refer new members?
You can tell your friends about this site and give them a special link such as: http://easyhits4u.com/?ref=qumang. You can also put our banners and text links on your site. We have created a lot of different banners and text links to help you refer new members.

7.Can I earn money on your Web site?
Yes, you can! You will receive $0.10 for every person you refer who surfs at least 100 sites and $0.30 for every 1000 viewed sites.
The minimum payout amount is only $3.00. We pay through the PayPal and AlertPay systems. Payouts are normally done within 5-7 business days after a request has been placed.

8.How can I receive my payment?
We pay through PayPal and AlertPay systems. Please submit your payout request using the "Cashout" link on the "Account stats" page.

9.Do you accept non-English sites?
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Are You a reckless driver?

2009-08-27T12:36:00.003+08:00

And don't know it yet? Steer clear of these common errors and you'll help make our roads safer.

Does this sound familiar - you're in your car, cruising down the road when a distracted driver almost knocks into you. Imagine your rage. Now, what if the situation were reversed and you were the reckless one?

One the worst things about driving is losing control, especially when you're in close proximity with a reckless driver. You could be a safest driver around, but if put in this situation, things could get bad. This is why it is important to practise defensive driving.

We often unwittingly put ourselves in dangerous driving situations. Not only are we harming ourselves, we're also endangering others. And bad habits that may seem insignificantly could potentially be the most dangerous.

So, are you are reckless driver? Here are some bad habits you need to avoid..

Staying too close to the car in front
Poor overtaking
Picking up a call
Not signaling
Over-confidence
Tailgating
Hogging the middle and outside lane, holding up others drivers
Not sticking to speed limits, going either too slow or too fast
Using the wrong lane at roundabouts
Changing lanes constantly, cutting into another driver's lane
Cutting corners
Leaving the headlight beam ON.

Money Stretchers

2009-08-26T10:31:00.001+08:00

When paying off your debts, work with whatever amount you have right now and make it stretch as far as possible...

Make a list of all outstanding bills.
Note due dates and grace periods.
Pay your bills only at the end of their grace periods A computer won't care that you paid on the last possible day.
Pay only the minimum due, but pay something on all of your bills.
Don't pay all of one bill and only some of the others.
Don't charge anything on a due-in-30-days basis. Try to arrange credit over a longer period.
If it looks like your money problems will last a while, send a note to the people you owe when you make part-payment. Keep it brief and to the point; "I'm experiencing problems that should be resolved soon. Here is part-payment. I will pay the full amount as soon as I can.

Drink Damage Control

2009-08-25T09:38:00.005+08:00

Drinking until you're tipsy or drunk is not good for your brain or body, so help your guy keep his drinking under control (and cut back on your alcohol intake too). To avoid overdoing it when you're out socilising, slash the amount you both drink by:

AVOIDING SALTY FOODS: As well as being high in fat, they create thirst, which you will then tend to quench with more alcohol.

ORDERING HALF 'N HALF: E.g. half champagne/half orange juice, a spritzer (wine mixed with the tonic water) or a "spacer" - a soft drink or iced water after every glass of beer or wine.

AVOIDING SPIRITS AND COCKTAILS: Their alcohol content is higher, particularly if combined with fizzy mixers which send them into the bloodstream more rapidly.

THINKING SMALL: Ask for the barman to pour no more than a 100ml glass of wine or a half nip of spirits.

EATING FIRST: By making sure you're had a good meal or at the very least, a breadroll before you drink, you will metabolise alcohol a little more slowly and are less likely to get tipsy, throw caution to the wind and get drunk.
STEERING CLEAR OF HAPPY HOUR: If the drinks cheaper you're likely to have more.

EMPTYING YOUR GLASS: Don't allow anyone to top up your glass before you finish it or you'll quickly lose track.

Need specific self, career or relationship advice?

2009-08-24T09:27:00.006+08:00

Here are some tips from the experts.

Self: Reaching our potential is something we should all strive towards - and, in reality, it's a lifelong project. Aim high and remember that this can be measured in variety of ways, including health, happiness, financial security, purpose and quality relationships. We all need to look after ourselves, but we don't want to be selfish. Similarly we want to love and care for others, but not at the expense of our own health and happiness. Real contentment can be achieved by balancing the two.

Career: Be realistic; as there may not be as many opportunities available at the moment. rather than abandon all your goals , focus on you career values. Identify what's important to you: Money? Helping people? Flexibility? Feeling challenged? Then look at your current circumstances to find ways of working towards these mini-targets. If assisting people is important, investigate a mentoring programmed; if you you want to feel more challenged in your job, ask for more complex work. Being proactive pays off!

Relationships: The most successful people in life will have better-quality relationships and more of them. They actively focus on developing, fostering and maintaining those relationships in their life that are important. They do this by do this: focusing more on the positives in others; being clear about the nature and purpose of each relationship; frequently praising others; and communicating more effectively. So brush up on these skills and you'll reap the rewards.

The life re-edit

2009-08-22T08:53:00.005+08:00

Act III of your life not going to plan? It's time to review your goals and rewrite your life direction.

You've spent ages working towards something, only now, you're beginning to question whether it's what you really want. Sound familiar? Whether it's relationship, career or self-related, there inevitably will come times when we suddenly pause, analyze the situation at hand and realise something's not quite right. Sometimes, we can even pinpoint what's caused the revelation (such as a job loss or unexpected relationship break-up): other times, it's not so clear. Either way, we shouldn't have to feel lost in our own feelings. There are ways to regain control and live the life that makes you happy.

1."What am I doing with my life"
It's normal to contemplate your direction in life - and happiness levels. Although most people strive for contentment and want to live a good and meaningful life, very few actually know what this would be like. As a result, many people, at some point feel lost and question what they're are doing and where they're going. There's much to be gained from these journeys of self-discovery. Questioning can be a very constructive process; you focus on the positives and best possible outcomes.

Contemplation usually arises following an unexpected change of plans - something we should learn to embrace. Change will happen whether we like it or not. Look for the good in every opportunity that present itself - you may even find that this 'scary' change is exactly what you need to move closer towards your goals.

2.Put your values first
In order to ponder of fearing the worst, you need to pay attention to your true values. Identify what's meaningful to you in life and these values will become a reference point. Values are 'compass point', rather than definite goals, and will give you an idea of what of what direction you should go in, regardless of what other circumstances are happening in your life. They'll also protect you from getting off-track and assuming someone else values as your own. For example , career may be important to your parents, but not so much to you, so learn to distinguish the difference.

It's hard to get anywhere in life if you're not clear about what you're trying to achieve. That said, you need to balance your optimism with reality. What we know about the happiest and most successful people is that they aim high and dream big, but they also face the cold, hard realities of the day - in a constructive way.

So, instead of lingering on a disappointment or failure, choose to view it as a tiny setback. Sure, it may take a little longer to get where you want to be, but trust that you'll get there because you want to.

3.Gear up your goals
Short-term versus long-term goals - which is better? They're both important! We need long-term goals so we have something to aim towards, but we also need to break these down into smaller, more achievable chunks. This way, we can ensure we're on the right road and gain important feedback and reinforcement a long the way.

Confidence usually comes from achieving things, so set yourself realistic goals, develop a plan to reach those targets, and do what you need to in a structured way. A lot of people expect too much too soon - they want it all and blame themselves if they find they can't achieve that. So focusing on only a few values at any one time is important.

Above all, don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. As long as you feel satisfied your life is moving in a positive direction, then you're on the path to some serious happiness.

It's all in your genes!

2009-08-21T13:36:00.005+08:00

Scientists have found that your DNA influences more than just your physical make-up!

1.Sweet tooth.
Why is it that some of us fine it harder to resist sweet foods than others? There's an explanation: the gene in our brain which tells us that we've had enough to eat is less sensitive to glucose in certain folks, states a study by the University of Toronto. These people often have a higher BMI.

2.Stress
Susceptibility to tress doesn't run in families, but how you react to it does. Unchecked level of stress can activate genes that increase inflammation in those with heart disease and that in part explains why certain diseases run in the family.

3.Moods
If you often feel sad, you may have a short version of the 5-HTTLPR gene which indicates that you're the non-confrontational type. Since feeling blue is linked with heart disease and impaired immunity, learn to cope by asking yourself: Is my respone appropriate? Can my situation be improved? Or is taking action worth it?

Body Know-it-all Tips!

2009-08-19T20:16:00.006+08:00

R & R
Rehydrate and replenish is what it's mean! During your workout, your body's fluid are lost through perspiration, so it's crucial to replace them. Revive is an excellent after-workout isotonic drink as it is designed to improve metabolism and rehydrate your body with its concoction of vitamins B3, B6, and B12 and electrolytes. With a hint of zesty orange and grapefruit, it's a refreshing treat especially when chilled!

Airplane gas bomb!
Believe it or not, there's such a thing called "high-altitude flatus expulsion" according to gastroenterologists at Yale University. There's less air pressure in higher altitudes so the gas trapped inside you expands. A simple Rx: Avoid indulging in rich food or having too much carbonated drinks just before the flight or while you're airborne.

Help, my eyelids are Twitching!
According to old wives' tales it's a sign that someone is missing you. But truth is you need some shut-eye! Eyelid spasms is a sign that you're WAY too tired. A state of sheer exhaustion and stress can make your facial nerves fire spontaneously for no reason. If you're already in the middle of an episode, you need to hit the sack and cut back on caffeine which can worsen the spasms!

Is your relationship making you sick?

2009-08-13T21:13:00.004+08:00

A new research shows treading water in a so-so relationship can actually be bad for your health, raising stress levels and blood pressure. Find out here how healthy is your relationship and how to help it recover if it's under the weather..

1. Too healthy for your own good?
Couple that never argue may be setting themselves up for a fall. One of the key ways in which relationships grow is by partners learning to reconcile their differences.

Take Action-Don't be afraid to be your own person. Being loved-up is fantastic, but it can make you very self-absorbed. It can also end up costing you if you let it change things in terms of your other relationships, your work of your health.

2. A clean bill of health
Being a stable relationship means you have a haven, regardless of the problems the outside world decides to throw at you. Being in a relationship that offers mutual support will boost your confidence and well-being. This might help to explain why people who've been happily married for years tend to live longer.

Take Action-Keep up the good work! But remember, if you've not being together for long, you may still be experiencing the 'high' of falling in love. Once normality sets in, you may find you have to work harder to keep the spark alive. Surprise dinners or sending sexy text messages will help.

3. Looking a bit peaky
A so-so relationship can be even worst for your health than a bad one. Being in a constant state of uncertainty about whether to continue your relationship can cause feelings of guilt, anxiety, insecurity and raise your blood pressure. This is often when people have affairs.

Take Action-Take this as an opportunity to rediscover all the reasons you got together. Try to rekindle feelings of intimacy. People have 'love nerves' throughout the body, which send strong feelings of contentment to the brain when stroked. So indulge in some massage and make quality 'we' time.

4.Call 999!
Studies show that illness rates are much higher for people in an unsatisfactory relationship. Women tend to take on the role of carers in a relationship. This can mean juggling a career with household tasks, resulting stress, sleep deprivation and depression.

Take Action-It's make -or-break time and you have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. If you've invested a lot of time in it and children are involved, try to work together to see if the relationship can be improved. This may mean seeking professional help.

Love, Lust or just a crush?

2009-08-08T22:45:00.007+08:00

Now this is one tricky question and the answer is not always crystal-clear. But fear not, here are guide on how to separate real love from false signs:

Lust is the simplest to identify. It's purely based on physical attraction. You're not fussed by his awful dress sense cos all you want to do is rip his clothes off. What's wrong with you? Blame it on the overproduction of the sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen.

Crush is that teeny-bopper feeling you get that probably comes from a more physical than emotion place. It can turn into love or fade away. Sometimes a mild crush turns almost obsessive with what's called "intrusive thinking", a toxic feeling of longing where your Facebook stalk him as if he were the oxygen you need to breathe.

Love is when you're past the crush and lust stage. You like him even after he has done something annoying, you imagine a future with him and you feel loyal to him. Chemicals involved with this feeling are oxytoxin and vasopressin. According to researchers at University of Calofornia, oxytoxin is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with others. Vasopressin, on the other hand, is a hormaone that promotes feelings of bonding and connection, which is a possible explanation of why lusty love fades as attachment grows within the couple.

Managing your money can be a breeze

2009-08-03T17:47:00.005+08:00

Expert tips to help you feel secure and money-confident about your future.

Are you debts mounting each month? Are you finding it harder to juggle the bills? Do you find yourself relying on cash advances on your credit cards to get you through till pay day?

Fretting over unpaid bills is a terrible energy-sapper. Money worries hang over your head, undermining your self-confidence and sense of security. Things usually aren't as bad as they seem and the worst thing any woman can do is accept the situation and continue living hand-to-mouth, day-to-day.

Every woman, regardless of age or income, has the potential to be financially secure and enjoy the self-confidence and personal power that comes with it. It is not a matter of earning higher wages, but of working smarter with what you've got.

Tips suggestion during a credit crunch:

1.STAY CALM
If it looks like there is no way out of the maze of bills, stay calm. After all, it's just money. Many people and businesses face a credit squeeze at some stage and most work their way out of it. The key is to have a plan - and to follow it.

2.IS THE CRISIS TEMPORARY OR CRITICAL?
Work out if your difficulties are short-term or long-term problems, such as illness, loss of job or even bankruptcy. If it is a major crisis, you may need professional help. Seek advice from an accountant or bank officer immediately.

3.WILL YOUR CREDIT RATING BE AFFECTED?
Do your best to protect your credit rating. A downgrade could jeopardise your future chances of obtaining a loan.

4.PRIORITISE YOUR BILLS
When cash is tight, prioritise which bills to pay first. Check which unpaid bills are likely to affect your credit rating. For example, a landlord may allow you to pay the rent a week late, but a default on the electricity bill will put you in darkness - and leave a black mark on your record.

5.WATCH YOUR EXPENSES
Until you work out your way out of debt, you need to spend wisely. Put off buying clothing or household items until you are on firmer financial footing. Work out how much you can afford to put aside each week towards paying off your debts, then work out how long it will take until you are debt-free. Now you have a personal goal to work for - that marvellous day when you won't owe anyone anything.

6.DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF
Financial fitness takes discipline but don't impose too strict a budget on yourself. Chances are you won't be able to stick to it and will end up depressed.

7.BUILD YOUR CASH RESERVE
Just $40 a week could get you started on building a fat nest egg for the future. The best way to begin a plan is by learning how investments work. This bring the knowledge and confidence you need to win. Many financial planning firms run seminars that are useful starting point.

Are You Depressed or Just Having A Bad Day?

2009-08-03T14:23:00.005+08:00

You've been shopping, you've eaten a ton of chocolate, had a bubble bath and you still feel awful. Who should you call: a friend or a shrink?
You leave your house and as soon as you hit the highway, you're stuck in a massive traffic jam. When you finally get to the office, you can't find a parking lot. You're really late for work now.

It starts to rain. You decide to make a run for it from car to the office, but your best shoe (and the rest of you) get drenched in the process.

To make matters worse, you had a big argument with your husband last night and now you're just teary, mopey and into chocolate. You want to run home, call your mum, cry and kick a cushion. This is a bad day, but with any luck tomorrow will be better.

But when you're suffering from depression you can't be bothered to worry about being late - what's the point? And the rain drenched you. So what? Discomfort just adds to the agonising numbness. If you go home, you'll lie under the duvet for hours, alone, staring into space, fantasizing about whether it would be easier to just end it all. This is depression, and it probably won't be any better tomorrow.

We all get down from time to time. There is, however, a significant difference between a bad run of things and depression. So how can you tell if you're about to become a statistic (1 in 4 women become depressed each year)?

IT'S JUST A BAD DAY
OK, so you may not be depressed, but you have thought about leaving everything behind and emigrating to Timbuktu, because anywhere's got to be better than where you're at. What's the answer? The obvious first stop is family, friends - or anyone prepared to listen, empathise and tell you when it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

The second option is to undertake a little mental reorganisation.

I AM DEPRESSED ACTUALLY
If you suspect you are really suffering from depression, there's no need to panic. A bout of debilitating despair is a signal that something in your life isn't working. Whether it's your health, lifestyle, thinking, or the way you deal with your feelings, it's an opportunity to put it right. The condition is better understood now than ever before.

Why Women CHEAT?

2009-07-29T12:03:00.004+08:00

Is it the thrill of the forbidden escape from a mundane relationship that lures women into betraying their partners?. Would you be at risk of cheating? Are you sure? Would it mark the beginning of the end for your relationship or is your relationship already on the way out if you are considering fling? Confessing an affair rarely helps assuage your guilt about your infidelity. Sometimes discretion is more helpful than disclosure.

Critical life events, professional crises or personal vulnerabilities can leave women more vulnerable to an affair. Common stressors that can lead a woman to cheat on her partner include:

1.A shift in status, such as getting promotion at work or starting a new course.

2.Moving to a new area with few friends nearby.

3.Personal failure, such as problems losing weight, conceiving a baby or the loss of a job.

4.Illness or an accident.

5.The death of someone close.

6.Times of transition, such as pregnancy, motherhood or starting a more demanding job that may leave you feeling insecure.

Think Yourself SLIM!

2009-07-26T21:48:00.003+08:00

POSITIVE THINKING WORKS TO BOLSTER YOUR WEIGHTS-LOSS EFFORTS! POP STAR LILY ALLEN IS SAID TO HAVE DROPPED FROM SIZE 12 TO 8 AFTER HYPNOTHERAPY, WHICH SHE SAYS REPROGRAMMED HER BRAIN TO ENJOY HEALTHY FOOD AND THE GYM! HERE ARE SOME BRAIN-RETRAIN TIPS TO TRY

Compliment Yourself.
Every time you catch yourself saying something not-so-nice about your body, jot down a compliment and say it aloud to yourself 10 times, says Margo Maine, a body image expert and author of The Body Myth.

Trick Your Brain.
Hypnotherapist Ursula James says to think of a favourite non-food smell (like perfume, flower or sea breeze) and imagine breathing it in deeply for a few seconds. This triggers the brain to feel satisfied so you don't keep thinking about food.

Relieve Stress.
Stress can mess up your weight in two ways. First, tension and anxiety raise cortisol levels, the hormone that encourages your body to store belly fat. Secondly, we often seek comfort in food that's high in crabs and calories when we're feeling frazzled. That's a double-whammy on your body, girls! to ease tension, try doing something that'll take your mind off the matter and food; for instance, bicycling, drawing or Facebooking!.

Rate Your Hunger Levels.
Feeling famished? Imagine a scale from one to five. One being not hungry and five famished. Don't confuse feeling peckish with hunger. If you feel it;s a tour, you need to fill your tummy!

Do You Have Obsessively Jealous Partner?

2009-07-23T16:56:00.006+08:00

One of the emotions that most couples experience at some point in their relationship is jealousy. Jealousy may best be described as an emotion that arises when one person feels that someone else is giving the attention they deserve to another person. In addition to attention, a partner may feel jealous if his or her partner gives time, love, or affection to someone else. Jealousy can become a problem in a relationship, as the partner who is feeling jealous begins to dominate and control their partner’s behavior. Additionally, jealousy is caused when one person perceives a threat to the stability of their relationship, and they may begin to act in inappropriate ways to try to remove the threat. This is when the actions of a jealous partner may begin to cross the lines and become obsessive.

An obsessively jealous partner may try to control the actions of the other person. This may include trying to limit who they see, talk to, where they go, and who they spend time with. They may begin monitoring phone calls, checking emails, or even stalk the other person. Since jealousy is rooted in resentment, if the person who is becoming obsessed begins to perceive that there is cause for jealousy, their obsession may become explosive. One of the dangers of jealousy is that the more the mind begins to ponder scenarios, the easier it is to be fooled into believing that the partner is engaging in suspicious behavior. This creates a cycle that may quickly escalate into uncontrollable behavior.

Obsessive jealousy can be a dangerous mix of emotions and may be detrimental to a relationship. Unfortunately, there is no way of predicting whether a potential partner will experience obsessive jealousy or not. However, you should always be aware of the early signs and deal with this type of behavior as soon as you recognize it.

Extreme and obsessive jealousy is usually attributed to low self-esteem or personal problems. Many times, someone becomes jealous because they feel that they are inadequate. The only time that jealousy may be defined as “justified” is if the partner has broken the trust, usually by cheating. However, it is often obsessive jealousy that may cause the injured partner to realize that they can no longer continue in the relationship. Often when trust is betrayed, the other partner may agree to forgive and try to work things out, only to discover that they are plagued with jealousy. Sometimes, the jealousy becomes so great that the relationship becomes toxic and must end.

If you or your partner are experiencing obsessive jealousy, you should stop and take a long hard look at yourself. First, you should determine where the jealousy is coming from and truly ask yourself if the jealousy is unfounded. It may be possible that you are projecting past failures from previous relationships on your partner and accusing them or feeling jealous without reasonable cause. Trying to think rationally when feeling overwhelmed with jealousy may be very difficult, however, if you or your partner plan on saving your relationship, you will need to address the underlying insecurities that are contributing to the jealousy and resolve them.

Are you caught in a career "cul de sac"?

2009-07-22T12:46:00.008+08:00

You drag yourself into the office each morning and count the minutes till the day is OVER. Should you stay in your job or is time to GO?

How to go-Gracefully
So you've decided to resign; here's how to make the break without being booed out of the office:

1.Don't use your resignation as an opportunity to tell your colleagues what you really think of them. You never know when you may work with, or for them again.

2.Do thank your boss for her/his help and guidance during your at the company. It's a small gesture that she/he will remember when it's time to write your reference.
3.Do volunteer to help find your replacement and to train her/his up before you leave.
4.Don't slack off. Sure, your heart may not be in it, but you're still getting paid to do the best job possible. What a better way to leave a position lasting impression?
5.Don't suddenly come down with a mysterious illness during your last few days on the job.
6.Do remember that a bad attitude before your departure can undo years of good work.

Father's care

2009-07-18T17:50:00.014+08:00

Involvement, influence, and affection: three keys to father-child relationships. Though they may sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings, most fathers care about their children and families.

In a 1980 Gallup poll, six out of ten fathers said their families were "the most important element of my life at this time." Only 8 percent said their families were unimportant to them. When asked what they found most satisfying about their families, fathers rated "children," "closeness," and "being together" as personally important. [1]

This hearty endorsement of family life contradicts some of the traditional roles or popular images of fathers in our society:

The Wallet: This father is preoccupied with providing financial support for his family. He may work long hours to bring home his paycheck and does not take an active part in caring for the children. Making money provides this father with a distraction from family involvement.

The Rock: This is a "tough" father - strict on discipline and in charge of the family. He may also believe that a good father remains emotionally distant from his children, so expressions of affection are taboo.

The Dagwood Bumstead: This father tries to be a "real pal" to his children, but his efforts are often clumsy or extreme. He doesn't understand his children and feels confused about what to do. He may also feel that he is not respected within the family.These traditional stereotypes are now clashing with another image of a father:

The Caregiver: This father tries to combine toughness with tenderness. He enjoys his children but is not afraid to set firm but fair limits. He and his wife may cooperate in childrearing and homemaking.

This type of father has always been around. But the number of men who choose this role is increasing. Many fathers today recognize that family life can be rewarding and that their children need their involvement.

This shift in roles is influenced by two major social changes: the increase in the number of women working and the rising divorce rate. As more and more mothers join the work force, fathers are being asked to take on more responsibilities at home. In 1979, 40 percent of the mothers of children under age 3 were employed.[2] Instead of remaining on the fringe of family life, many fathers are helping more with child care and housekeeping.
Fathers are also profoundly influenced by the escalating divorce rate.[3] For every two marriages there is now one divorce - a tripling of the divorce rate between 1960 and 1980. If they are not directly involved in a divorce, most men have friends who are. They witness the loss their friends have experienced and reexamine the importance of their own family relationships. Remarriage and stepfathering are also creating new challenges for many fathers.

Because of these changes in our society, many men are being forced to develop family relationships that are quite different from those they had with their own fathers. They cannot easily fall back on their own childhood experiences for guidance. What worked very well for their fathers 20 or 30 years ago may not work at all with the kinds of challenges fathers face today.

These changes in social attitudes mean that men have more options for meeting their obligations as fathers and husbands. Some men will express their feelings more openly, while others will be more reserved; some will enjoy the companionship and play of very young children, while others will prefer involvement with older sons and daughters. Fathers do not have to try to fit a certain stereotyped pattern.

According to sociologist Lewis Yablonsky, a man's fathering style is influenced by some or all of the following forces: his enthusiasm for being a father, his own father's behavior, the images of how to be a father projected by the mass media, his occupation, his temperament, the way family members relate to each other, and the number of children he has.[4] No single style of fathering or mothering, no matter how ideal it appears, is right for everyone.

Regardless of their personal style, most fathers are interested in having a satisfying relationship with their children. Although they might not be able to put it into words, most fathers know they are important to their children. According to psychotherapist Will Schutz, a good relationship needs three things: involvement, respect and influence, and affection.[5]

Involvement: The Foundation of a Relationship

The first step in any relationship is the feeling by both persons that the other is interested in them and wants to be with them.
Many fathers begin to prepare for this kind of relationship before their child is even born. A father who seeks involvement is interested in his wife's pregnancy and makes preparations for the child's birth. When the child is born he is eager to hold the infant. In countless small ways, this father demonstrates involvement - he may gently touch and play with his children, hold and talk to them. By doing these things he sends a clear and emphatic message:

I want to be your father. I am interested in you. I enjoy being with you. You and I have a relationship that is important to me.

Every child wants to sense this type of involvement from his or her father and mother. Without it, a child feels isolated and rejected. The foundation of the relationship crumbles.

What the Research Shows
Research on father-child involvement demonstrates that [6]:

(1) Fathers are significant for children;

(2) Fathers are sensitive to children;

(3) Fathers play with children differently than mothers do.

These differences in play continue as the child grows older. Fathers may vigorously bounce and lift a 1- or 2-year-old in rough and tumble physical play; mothers may prefer to play conventional games like "peek-a-boo," offer an interesting toy, or read. Fathers' play appears to be more physically stimulating while mothers are more interested in teaching.

As a result, children seem to prefer fathers as play partners, though in a stressful situation they may be more likely to turn to their mothers. This preference could be due to fathers spending a greater proportion of their time playing with their children than mothers. One researcher noted that about 40 percent of a father's time with his young children was spent in play in contrast to about 25 percent of the mother's time. Even though fathers may spend less total time in play than mothers, their type of play and their apparent interest in that type of involvement make them attractive play partners.

There are, of course, exceptions to this pattern. Some men simply do not enjoy playing with children, and some mothers may prefer an arousing, physical form of child play. Also, when both parents work, the additional demands on the family could affect the amount of time one or both parents spend enjoying their children.

Suggestions for Fathers

How can fathers become more involved with their children? First, they can give each of their children exclusive attention as often as possible. During their time together fathers could enjoy their children's company without allowing outside distractions to interfere. As a result, their children would feel noticed and special. There is no single formula for how this might be accomplished. A father and child might play, talk, learn a skill or read together. What is important is that they notice each other and acknowledge a common interest. This type of undistracted attention promotes a sense that each is important to the other.

Fathers might also give their children a glimpse of their work world. Children want to know what life is like outside the home and what their parents do at work. Many farm families and small businesses include their children in the operation at an early age. Parents in other occupations may find it more difficult to give their children a glimpse of their work, but even brief visits or tours will help.

Business and industry are gradually beginning to acknowledge that many workers are parents too, and that adjustment in this role can have a positive effect on work performance. Some industries provide day care centers for children of their employees. Both mothers and fathers are able to visit their children during breaks.

Double Standard

2009-07-17T14:36:00.008+08:00

A high school student who has already slept with 10 people enters a new school. What people will say about this person's sexual experiences depends on one factor: gender.
If this person is a male, he will be admired by his fellow males, and perhaps even desired by females. Guys will respect him and girls will be impressed by his experience. He is generally referred to as "the player."

However, if this person is a girl she will most likely be subjected to ridicule and disrespect by her peers. Males will try to use her, hoping that they can get her into bed, and females will despise her out of disgust, or in some cases, jealousy. She is generally referred to as "the slut."
"It's a huge double standard. If you're a guy and you sleep with everyone you're automatically cool. If you're a girl and you sleep with everyone you're automatically a slut," said Bianca Penaloza, a senior at Coral Gables High in South Miami.

This player vs. slut philosophy is familiar to most students, and although no one girl deserves to be treated cheaply, the media repeatedly emits messages that this dangerous double standard is correct and should not be challenged.

"What the media is trying to tell us is that if girls are 'bad' or sexually promiscuous it's OK to punish them," said Kim Walsh-Childers, a professor of journalism at the University of Florida who studies the portrayal of women in the media. "They're saying, 'we have no sympathy for you.' "

Although the media want women to be pure, they also want them to be sexy. Advertisements, television shows and movies often only feature overly thin, impossibly beautiful women to promote their product or program. In a 1986 study by Silverstein, Peterson, Perdue and Kelly, 69 percent of female television characters are thin and only 5 percent are overweight. These contradictory images leave some teenage girls confused about which path is the norm, and how each girl should behave.

Men translate only one message from the media: you are not cool if you don't have sex.
"I cannot think of one male hero or main character who is not sexually active," Walsh-Childers said. "Except if the character is a nerd. They want you to think that the only boys not having sex are the nerds who cannot get anyone to sleep with them."

Therefore, it is no wonder that men are praised for their sexual achievements. "Everybody has a fantasy about having all the girls, so other guys look up to guys who sleep around," said Bill Ferrara, senior at Gulf Breeze High .

Women still cannot win. With two pictures of how a woman should behave -- seductive or chaste - teenage girls are set up to feel shameful no matter which image they choose to mimic.
For example, Bill, the same teenager that just related that guys look up to the "player" figure in school, said, "Every guy wants a girl who's pure."

Kim Davis, a junior at Gulf Breeze High, said, "In school, people look down on girls who are considered trashy. But girls also get ragged on for being too much of a prude. Guys will say, 'Oh, why can't you just loosen up and have a little fun.'"

The 1996 slasher film parody, Scream, is a prime example of the attitudes towards women that people deem "slutty." Tatum, the provocative and sexually promiscuous best-friend character, is one of the first to be murdered by a pair of psychotic teenage killers.

As Randy, another Scream character points out, to survive a typical slasher movie a girl should never have sex. Only the virgin survives. This theme is also carried out through other horror movies like Halloween.

Meanwhile, the supposed Scream "good girl" survivor and virgin, Sidney, is a model of beauty and sexiness. Her dress is at times revealing and she fits the American beauty standard. She keeps her boyfriend in sexual frustration while never actually giving up her virginity.
Ironically, the same purity that women are expected to posses is also what potentially makes them unattractive and boring.

James Bond films also illustrate the difference between sexually active men and sexually active women. The plot of many Bond films center around the fact that he sleeps with six or seven different women throughout the film. "He is rewarded for this behavior, not punished," Walsh-Childers said.

The media also sends other double standards into the minds of women. When one pictures the physical appearance of the so-called perfect woman, there are not a great deal of physical characteristics to choose from, Walsh-Childers said. The media only sends women one type of woman to aspire to look like. They send the supermodel image; tall, thin, with flawless skin and hair.

Men, on the other hand, can look any number of ways and still fit into the male beauty standard because the media does not send audiences only one type of man, Walsh-Childers said. "There is a broader range of what is accepted to be a sex symbol as a male. You can be older, heavier, or bald."

Many young women believe older men such as Robert Redford, Sean Connery, and Richard Gere are viable sex symbols. It is not as common for men to find sexual appeal in older women.
Music videos are a very common place where women are objectified while men are heroes. In music videos by male artists, they depict a story which is commonly a male fantasy. In the video, the singer always gets the girl. Moreover, the women are not presented as much more than sexual objects. They are always willing and interested in sex, and that is the only function they serve. They never reject the male, "no matter how unattractive they are, no matter how much of a jerk they are," said Walsh-Childers.

Television has an enormous influence on men and women perceptions in society. In soap operas, the seductive women are often also the villains. The audience is drawn to be attracted to her, but at the same time, hate her for her enticing qualities. Other studies show that there are more employed male personas on television than there are women. The thoughts and ideas transmitted through television, movies, music videos and advertisements are designed to be easily soaked up by the minds of Americans everywhere, especially teens. Walsh-Childers said these double standards -- which have been blamed for damaging female self-esteem and self-image -- did not originate in the media, but the media reinforces them.

"Women are no longer going to have any self-esteem, which could lead to things like drugs and suicide. Girls may end up having sex for all the wrong reasons," said junior Krista Cole of Bloomingdale High School in Valrico.

Tips for a Good Husband and Wife Relationship

2009-06-25T22:36:00.003+08:00

Human nature tends to let down it’s guard and act it’s worst around those who we are most familiar with. How you really are is the way you act towards others that you know the best - which are typically those of your own home.

The following are tips for husbands and wives that I have been working on in my own home, and I hope you find them helpful.

1. Always say please and thank you.

2. Never demand anything one of another, but ask kindly with respect - like you would from anyone else out side the home.

3. Husbands, you don’t own your wife, so don’t act like it. Don’t be bossy and overbearing and order them around like a slave. Support them as the physically weaker vessel (1Pet 3:7) and love them and give yourself for them like Christ gave himself for the church (Eph 5:25). Wives submit to your own husband in temporal matters as it is fitting in the Lord (Col 3:18), however, in spiritual matters Christ is your head not your husband. Men are not the head of women but husbands are the head of their wives (the relationship denotes the headship is concerning temporal matters). Christ is head of the Church (the relationship denotes Christ is the head of women concerning spiritual matters) and in Christ Jesus there is neither male or female (Gal 3:28).

4. Wives don’t nag your husbands. If they have been too busy to get something done that is important to you, and you have already asked them a number of times, try asking them after you have done something nice for them. Or ask if there is anything you can do to help them get started on their project. You will find this goes over much better then telling them “I have been asking for two months now to fix the leaking tap. When are you ever going to get this done? It is so hard to get you to do anything around here!”

5. Husband, thank your wife for each meal, when laundry is done and for how well your clothes have been folded, and when the home is cleaned and what a clean house she keeps. Wives, when you husband fixes something around the home thank him, and when he brings home his check tell him what a good provider he is.

6. Each day ask the other if there is anything you can do for them.

7. You both need to be patient with eachother’s weaknesses and faults. You should not make a practice of pointing out eachothers faults over and over. Remember that love will cover a multitude of faults. Deal with the other’s faults the way you want them to deal with yours.

8. Be always seeking what you can put into the marriage - not what you can get out of it. 9. Make a practice of trying to give into eachother when there are differences. That way when you really feel strong about something, your spouse will not have such a hard time giving into you.

10. Pray daily for each other and carry a burden for eachother’s spiritual welfare.

11. Have family devotions together each morning - even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes.

12. Keep a list of the things your spouse asks you to do on the cork board. When you spouse asks you to do something make sure you put it on your list and put a date beside it so you know how long it has been there. Cross off the items on the list as you do them. It is okay to offer to do something on your list if your spouse will do something on their list.

13. Never discuss each others past faults and mistakes in front of other people. While your spouse may laugh along with you and not say anything about it later, you may have hurt them deep down.

14. Don’t allow a disagreement to escalate into an argument and certainly not in public or in front of your children.

15. If you get into a charged disagreement with your spouse that digresses to a point where you are bringing up each others faults and failures, it is best to end the conversation with prayer and set a time to discuss the issue the following day. Before you enter into discussion you should lay some guidelines for resolving conflicts. You should also pray apart to make sure you have grace and then pray together before you start the discussion and ask God to give you both grace to conduct the discussion in a godly manner.

Baby's Little Smiles: Building a Relationship with Mom

2009-04-19T17:11:00.008+08:00

23-10-08_1418
by chitot (He is my lovely son)

It’s probably not surprising that mothers excel at recognizing and interpreting the moods and emotions of their infants. Although infants can’t speak, mothers seem to know what their babies are thinking: they smile when their baby smiles and they frown when their baby is upset. Research suggests that the mother’s ability to understand the needs of her infant is very important for establishing a secure mother-infant relationship. However, the neural mechanisms that underlie these behaviors are poorly understood. Such knowledge is crucial for understanding normal as well as abusive and neglectful mothering.

Maternal Rewards
In recent years, several studies have been carried out using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to better understand how a mother’s brain responds to her own child’s cues. The most recent, led by neuroscientist Lane Strathearn and colleagues at Baylor College of Medicine, investigated what happens inside the brain of a mother when she looks at the facial expressions of her own infant. In the study, 28 first-time mothers were shown pictures of their seven-month old child that they had never seen before. (The pictures were taken when the mother was not present.) The pictures spanned a wide range of human emotion and included images of the child making happy, sad or neutral faces. These pictures were then matched with images of an unknown infant. The central finding was that seeing the happy face of the mother’s own infant activated all of the key areas in the brain associated with reward processing. These regions include the ventral tegmental area, substantia nigra and the striatum. This finding suggests that for mothers the sight of their smiling baby is a potent reward and represents a uniquely pleasurable experience. Furthermore, this neural response was graded, so that happy faces led to more activation than neutral faces. Sad faces generated the least activation. In other words, the response of mothers in their reward areas seemed to directly mirror the emotions the infant displayed. The argument put forth by Strathearn and colleagues is that maternal behavior is fundamentally rooted in these reward areas. Positive sensory cues from infants, such as a smiling facial expression, stimulate dopamine release and thus promote responsive maternal care. However, many questions remain. In their paper, Strathearn et al. do not discuss the significance of the orbitofrontal cortex, although its activity was clearly influenced in the experiment by seeing one’s own infant’s compared with an unknown infant. The importance of the orbitofrontal cortex shouldn’t be too surprising, as this brain area is believed to receive ascending dopamine projections from reward areas and is critical in representing the “value” of a reward. Other studies have also demonstrated that the orbitofrontal cortex is correlated with the positive feelings of the mother, suggesting that it plays a key role in modulating maternal behavior.

Is the Smile Enough?
This study also raises a more fundamental question: is the infant smile the most important element for motivating maternal behavior? It goes without saying that the smiling face of one’s own baby is highly rewarding and encourages maternal care. On the other hand, babies aren’t always smiling and mothers must also learn to respond to infants in distress. In fact, a human mother’s response to an infant in distress is a good indicator of how responsive she is to other infant cues. Studies also show that abusive and neglectful mothers show less empathy and more aversive feelings towards a crying infant when compared with nurturing mothers, suggesting that how a mother reacts to a baby when it’s upset and not smiling is a crucial test of maternal behavior.

According to our own recent work, the orbitofrontal cortex and striatum were more activated in the brain of a mother when she looked at her own infant compared with other infants regardless of the infant’s situation or mood. These brain areas also showed a greater activation when mothers were viewing their infant when he or she was crying (the distressed condition) as opposed to when he or she was happy (the play situation). This discovery makes sense, as a distressed baby might require more effort and thought as the mother must quickly identify the source of the distress and respond appropriately. Another reason to highlight the importance of the orbitofrontal cortex in guiding maternal behavior is that, in our experiment, the activity of this brain area showed a positive correlation not only with pleasurable feelings but also the anxious feelings experienced by the mother. Of course, these anxious feelings are important for maternal care, as anxiety and worry can be powerful motivators. Taken together, these findings suggest that maternal behavior is guided by elaborate and complex neural mechanisms. Although reward processing is clearly an important part of this mental process—it seems to mediate maternal love and feelings of joy—other mechanisms are required in order to explain the full range of the mother-infant relationship.

In conclusion, a smiling face of a mother’s own infant is certainly rewarding and it motivates maternal care, but this is not the only motivator. We hope that in the future other aspects of maternal behavior—such as the maternal desire to protect her infant, which is a biologically essential mechanism for preservation of the species—will get investigated and explored.

SOURCE: Scientific American

Faithfulness – the bedrock of marriage

2009-04-08T22:55:00.006+08:00

I GET very perturbed by my friends who betray their spouse by getting involved in extramarital affairs.

Such a thing as having a fling is seldom heard of in the closely-knit rural communities in Sarawak. In Kuching city and large towns though, extramarital affairs are top on the topics of private conversations, especially when they involve prominent personalities.

Although I know some married women also engage in some extracurricular activities outside their marriage for various reasons, it seems to me that there are more men cheating on their wives than women on their husbands.

I have been observing this phenomenon in Kuching city coldly from the sideline of the social scene for years.

Usually, successful married businessmen in their approaching middle age are most susceptible to the seduction of wily younger women. Perhaps they just want to make up for the indulgences of their youth which they had denied themselves in their struggle in the business world. Perhaps, having a mistress is a status symbol. Many will use the excuse that their wife does not treat them well at home.

One day quite a few years ago, I was taken aback when the girl nicknamed Adif told me about her latest boyfriend, a married man who went by the initial MK. Adif was 24, plump, and apparently attractive to a lot of men with roving eyes. After she failed Form Five, she had never held down a steady job. Yet she was a constant guest at many of the entertainment outlets in Kuching city. How she managed to live the good life was anybody’s guess.

This new boyfriend was very nice to her, setting up a small business for her, buying her a set of new furniture for her house in Petra Jaya, and a new car even for her pleasure.

In the two years of their clandestine relationship that I knew of, they had vicious fights like all couples. Inevitably, the man would pine for her, and begged for her forgiveness. Then, they would make up with him buying her more gifts and taking her out to posh entertainment places.

One Hari Raya day, this man invited all his friends in a group to his open house for a festive visit. Adif and I were present too.

It was a large house in Petra Jaya, with a front yard that could accommodate 10 cars at least. The lady of the house came to welcome the guests, and served them food and drink, and entertained them with small talk.

It was the first time that I met our hostess. She was still very attractive, and although she had had 3 or 4 children, she still had the figure that was the envy of many women. She was well educated, had a professional job of her own, and could speak good English. Her social grace and good breeding exuded in the way she received her visitors.

She was obviously not aware that the competitor for her husband’s love was present, even when Adif was very uncomfortable and fidgeted with her mobile phone all the time like a sulking teenager.

The surreal cruelty of the mundane Hari Raya scene suddenly struck at a deep chord in my heart.

Obviously, MK’s wife was such a nice wife that would make any man happy. She was many times the better mate than Adif, in looks, in her fashion sense, in carriage, in social stature, and in refinement of character.

Why would her husband betray her?

Then I began to imagine her anguish, her pain, and her disappointment when she eventually found out her husband’s extramarital affair. (The wife always does in the end, one way or another.) My experience with observing this distasteful business is that the wronged wife will lose a great deal of weight in the ensuring fits of dark depression.

Then I also started to imagine the sense of isolation, dejectedness, and resentment to be felt by the children, as their happy universe began to collapse from the constant fights between their parents. A wall would descend between them and their father for life.

Inevitably, there would be an excruciating protracted legal process leading to a divorce. Nobody would come out a winner.

These dark thoughts went through my mind as I sat there in my guilt and misery. My hostess was especially friendly to me, as if she wanted to ask me something. If she asked, I would have told her the truth.

After that day, I distanced myself from any girl like Adif and her illicit beau. It was a bad scene best to be avoided. I have not heard of them since.

To some people, secret extramarital affairs may be exciting and glamorous, because the forbidden fruit is always seductive from the time of Adam and Eve.

But my advice to myself and to all of you ladies and gentlemen out there is

this: Don’t ever do it. It is not worth the pain afterwards. Above all, it hurts too many innocent people whom you really love. Source HERE

Health news in brief: Napping improves memory

2008-12-04T18:46:00.010+08:00

TAKING a nap — even a short one — may boost a sophisticated kind of memory that helps us see the big picture and get creative.

The findings, revealed at the Society for Neuroscience conference in the United States, said that interrupting sleep seriously disrupts memory.

Researchers said that our brains can keep on working while we are asleep to solve problems and come up with new ideas.

Researchers noted that more common than insomnia is fragmented sleep — the easy awakening that comes with ageing, or, worse, the sleep apnea that afflicts millions, who quit breathing for 30 seconds or so.

Fragmented sleep, whether from ageing or apnea, can suppress the birth of new brain cells in the hippocampus, where memory-making begins — enough to hinder learning weeks after sleep returns to normal.
Scientists are increasingly focusing less on sleep duration and more on the quality of sleep, what's called sleep intensity, in studying how sleep helps the brain process memories so they stick. Particularly important is "slow-wave sleep", a period of very deep sleep that comes earlier than better-known REM sleep, or dreaming time.

Good sleep is a casualty of our 24/7 world. Surveys suggest few adults attain the recommended seven to eight hours a night. Over time, a chronic lack of sleep can erode the body in ways that leave us more vulnerable to heart disease, diabetes and other illnesses.

Face-to-face buggy is better

BABY buggies which face forwards may stunt children's development and turn them into anxious adults. Infants suffer more stress and sometimes even "trauma" in modern buggies with seats facing away from their parent.

Researchers at Dundee University in Scotland said children found it difficult to get their parents' attention and were spoken to only rarely, at a stage of life when youngsters thrive on interaction.

In contrast, children in traditional parent-facing buggies were more likely to laugh, listen to their mothers talking and to sleep — indicating lower stress levels.

They observed 2,722 parents in Britain and found that parents were more than twice as likely to talk to their child if they used a face-to-face buggy — 25 per cent against 11. The study involved 20 babies being pushed across a town centre, 0.8km facing forwards and 0.8km facing the pusher.

Only one baby laughed during the away-facing journey, while half laughed during the face-to-face journey. The researchers said parent-child interactions are crucial at a time when brain connections are multiplying rapidly.

Ban on fast-food ads may reduce childhood obesity

A BAN on fast-food commercials could put a significant dent in the problem of childhood obesity. It could reduce the number of obese young children by 18 per cent, and the number of obese older kids by 14.

Researchers at City University of New York also suggested that ending an advertising expense tax deduction for fast-food restaurants could mean a slight reduction in childhood obesity.

The new study — published in the Journal of Law & Economics — is based in part on several years of government survey data from the late 1990s that involved in-person interviews with thousands of US families. The researchers used a statistical test that presumes TV ads lead to obesity but made calculations to address other influences such as income and the number of nearby fast-food restaurants.

They also took steps to account for the possibility that some children may already have been overweight and inactive regardless of their TV-watching habits.

Brisk walk reduces choc craving

CHOCOHOLICS looking to curb their chocolate urges may be able to do so simply by taking a brisk 15-minute walk. Chocolate is likely the most commonly and intensely craved food, and chocolate urges are often triggered by boredom, stress or the desire to uplift mood or increase alertness.

Previous studies have shown that short bouts of exercise, such as brisk walking, can also improve alertness and mood, and reduce sugar snack urges.

The latest findings by researchers at School of Sport and Health Sciences at the University of Exeter in Britain revealed that exercise also appeared to lessen participants' increase cravings.

They enlisted 20 women and five men (25 years old on average) who reported eating at least two chocolate bars daily to abstain from eating chocolate for three days.

The participants also abstained from caffeine products and exercise for two hours prior to undergoing each of two testing scenarios — either 15 minutes of brisk walking or sitting quietly for 15 minutes. After each scenario, participants completed a mentally arousing task.

Post scenario testing showed being sedentary "did nothing to reduce chocolate cravings, whereas doing a 15-minute walk reduced urges to eat chocolate". — Agencies

I'm every woman: Older, wiser and ... calmer?

2008-12-04T14:13:00.004+08:00

ON a clear day, you can see forever, they say. But even when the sky is a calm, clean azure, eternity may still elude you as you’d have been severely blinded by the folly of youth and its tempestuous nature.

Raise a hand, people, if you have in your younger and not necessarily wiser days made decisions or “grand gestures” that you now sorely regret.

I have done this hand over fist and I must admit that not all of my moves of years ago have been slick or smart.

Now that I am convinced I am pretty much mellowed, I often wonder how life would have turned out if I had not done this or made that.

Entertaining these thoughts is probably an exercise in futility because, of course, no one can turn back the clock. Not that I want to but the “what ifs” can be mystifying.
This is the very reason why I cannot quite forget this movie I saw and recommended to friends years ago titled Sliding Doors.

It is about how differently your life might have been played out should you have chosen one path as opposed to the other at the crossroads in your life.

The movie is told in two parallel versions, one which sees the lead character catching her train ride home which led to a hazardous turn of events when she sees her boyfriend with his ex-lover. The other sees her missing the train and coming home much later, oblivious to the tryst between her beau and his paramour. I found the tale disturbing because it suggested many things, among which is the fact what we don’t know won’t hurt.

But given my “let’s face the music right here and now” nature, I’d rather know the worst and the sooner the better, rather than be left in the dark.

But I have digressed, of course. What had started me thinking about Sliding Doors once again was that quite recently, I have seen deep regret etched on the faces of people I know who had, in the heat of the moment long ago, made life-changing decisions.

At the engagement of a friend’s daughter not too long ago, I saw remorse in the eyes of her former husband when he watched with a heavy heart the betrothal of his little girl now grown up.

He was a mere guest in that ceremony when he could have had the role of the beaming host and proud papa, of course. The marriage had broken down when the children were little and who is to know if the union could have been salvaged if the couple had been a decade and a bit older?

I won’t be surprised if the chap was kicking himself hard for the follies of his youth, now that his fine looks had faded away somewhat. Sorry but I’ve always believed that wrinkles and white hair will always bring a person a notch or two down to earth. It applies both ways, by the way.

On another occasion, at the wedding of a relative’s daughter recently, the mother of the bride became tearful when her ex-husband turned up with his wife. She had issued the invitation, of course, for her daughter’s sake, but the sight of that familiar face must have brought back a flood of fond memories.

Interestingly, the chap was just as affected. He hung around all of us and unabashedly admitted that he missed the family as it is close-knit like no other, he said.

Now, if looks could kill, he would have keeled over cold right there as his present wife wasn’t amused at all by this show of affection. But that’s another story altogether!

The thing is, could we and would we give love rats or skirt-chasing cads a second chance if we’d stopped to count sheep instead of sending them straight to the “slaughterhouse”?

I’ve had my share of rows with loved ones and as if it were yesterday, I can still recall the blinding rage and indignance you feel when you know you’ve been wronged.

No, the gamut of emotions one feels in the high noon of our youths and under such circumstances do not always include being forbearing or tolerant.

We would be given to acts of pride, foolishly at times but that’s how it is, fellas. When the executioner sings her song, there may be no turning back.

We might then live to only pine and ponder over what might have been if we had stopped ourselves in our tracks before making crushing decisions but for most women, it is well worth the pain of the aftermath because it is crucial for their self-esteem.

No, many of us may not need a clear day to see forever because we simply believe there is a silver lining behind the clouds...

Disadvantages of Credit Cards!

2008-04-08T19:50:00.004+08:00

Individuals currently enjoy a wide variety of payment options include cash, cheques, debit cards, credit cards and online payment services such as PayPal. Although many of these methods such as credit cards are very convenient, they can also cause many problems when not used properly.

High Interest Charges

One of the biggest disadvantages to using credit cards, is the extremely high interest fees charged by the credit card companies. The interest fees are always significantly higher than the cost of obtaining a traditional bank loan. In fact, many credit companies charge as high as 20 percent for any purchases that aren’t paid in full at the end of each month! The high interest charges are what keep the credit card companies in business so you need to check the fees of each particular card before you apply for one.

Temptation To Overspend

Credit cards can be dangerous for individuals who are not good at budgeting. The temptation is very easy to overspend because you don’t need to pay for your purchases upfront. Regardless of how much money is actually in your current account, you can charge purchases up to your maximum credit card limit. Somehow signing a piece of paper at the time of purchase doesn’t always feel like you are actually spending money.

This is exactly the mentality that the credit card companies want users to adopt.

Unpaid Balances

By spending more than they can actually afford each month, individuals end up paying very high interest charges each month. Because you are only billed once a month, it is also very easy to forget about purchases you have made using a credit card. You may end up with a very unwelcome surprise at the end of the month once you see just how many purchases you signed for during the past 30 days! Any unpaid balances are charged very high interest rates that can quickly add up. If you continue to pay only the minimum amount, your unpaid balance can often become unmanageable.

Credit Card Fraud

Another common problem with credit cards involves credit card theft. Credit cards can always be stolen meaning that other individuals can start to make charges to your account.

Credit card fraud is becoming an increasing problem due to more sophisticated technology. Nowadays, you don’t even have to lose your physical card for others to make fraudulent purchases. Criminals have devised even more devious methods of obtaining credit card numbers from individuals. This means you may not even realize your card has been compromised until you receive your monthly statement. You need to check every monthly statement very carefully to detect any suspicious charges.

Although credit cards are convenient, they carry very high interest charges. Carrying an unpaid balance for an extended period can get you into financial debt very quickly. You often have a greater temptation to overspend because you don’t need to have money available at the time of purchase. Last but not least, credit card theft is an ever-increasing threat that you need to consider before applying for a card..

SINGLE and LOVIN' IT!

2008-04-01T18:01:00.007+08:00

Travelling Solo? Make a point to meet new people everyday and you'll have a fab time. Here's you can come home with a whole new list of Facebook friends.

1.BACKPACKERS'S HOSTELS.
Rather own, try being stuck in a hotel room all on your own, try shared rooms at hostels. The living room and kitchen are great places to strike up conversations.

2.WALKING TOURS.
Many hostels offer free or cheap walking city-tours and these are a good way to get chatting with a group of people.
3.DAY TRIPS.
Activities such as snorkelling excursion, island trips and cooking courses are great for meeting people. You'll be doing things with strangers, so it's difficult not to get talking.
4.EVENTS AND PARTIES.
Look up your hostel's bulletin board for festivals or shows happening in the city. BBQs or movie nights are the perfect place to meet people from all walks of life.

5.IN TRANSIT.
When you are traveling alone, chances of you meeting people are much higher in buses, trains or in a plane. So go ahead and ask a fellow passenger for info on bus routes ar places of attraction. Beware of dodgy characters though!

How to Budget & Save

2008-01-20T15:15:00.004+08:00

As a consumer, you face many choices on how to manage your money.

Knowing how to manage money can help you make smart choices. Your money will work harder for you. You'll be more likely to avoid traps that can undermine your ability to attain your financial goals. You'll be in a better position to pay off debt and build savings.

Being smart about money can help you buy a house, finance higher education or start a retirement fund. A money management game plan can help you get started and stay with it until you achieve the goals you set for yourself.

A game plan for learning about money management

A few simple steps can make a big difference in making your money work harder for you.

* Establish goals. Where do you want to be?
* Create a budget. Determine your current situation. Where are you today?
* Save your way to a more secure future.
* Conserve - spend sensibly; pay wisely.
* Act - implement your plan/assess/adjust.
* Select a financial institution.

Establish goals. Where do you want to be?

Use the work sheets directly below to help you identify your goals. Print them and fill them in.

Without goals, it's difficult to accomplish anything. When you think about your future and what you want to achieve, it's helpful to establish a timeframe.

* Short-term: such as paying off credit card debt, saving for a vacation or buying new clothes
* Intermediate: such as saving to buy a car
* Long-term: such as saving for education or for retirement.

Estimate the cost of each goal and the date you want to achieve it. Then figure out how much you need to save each month. Try to set realistic goals and saving requirements.

Create a budget. Determine your current situation. Where are you today?

Now that you've figured out your financial goals, you are ready to create a budget that will help you attain them. Print the budget work sheets below and write in your budget figures. Start by writing down your expenses (under Current Monthly Expenses).

Monthly fixed expenses
Start with monthly fixed expenses such as regular savings, housing, groceries, utilities, and car payments. Put these continuing obligations under the heading: Fixed.

Use checking account statements, credit card statements, receipts and other records to help you complete this estimate. Be realistic - it's better to estimate high than low.

Remember that savings is considered an expense even though you keep the money. You work hard. You deserve to keep some of what you earn every month. Savings is the key to meeting your financial goals.

Make estimates for all money spent - regardless of how you pay: cash, check, credit card, debit card, automatic checking account withdrawals or savings through work plans such as 401K or 403B plans.

Monthly variable expenses
Once you have noted all your fixed expenses, write down your expenses that vary each month such as clothing, vacations, gifts and personal spending money. Put these expenses under the heading: Variable. You might have these expenses every month, but the amount you spend could change.

Get a handle on variable expenses by writing down every expense for a month - even small purchases. Use a small note book or other informal method to track your spending. This is very important because it's the best way to understand your current spending behavior. Get receipts for all purchases - especially those you make with cash. Record and categorize each transaction. You may be surprised at how much you spend in certain categories.

Use a notebook to write down every purchase you make for one month. This is the best way to understand your current spending behavior.

List your monthly income
Now that you have figured out your expenses, write down your monthly income after all taxes and deductions. Write this under the heading: Monthly Income. Make sure this figure reflects the total take-home pay for your household after all taxes and deductions.

Now compare expenses to income
One of the advantages of doing a comparison of expenses to income is that it provides a quick reality check. If you are spending more than you're bringing home every month in income, you have a deficit. If you're spending less than you're bringing home, you have a surplus. In either case, it's time to step back and consider some options.
If you have a deficit: Spending more than you're bringing home, ask yourself:

* Can I spend less in some of my variable expenses?
* How much interest am I paying with credit card and other loans?
* Where did my money go? (Consider writing down everything you spend for a month.

If you have a surplus: Spending less than you're bringing home, ask yourself:
* Am I saving enough to meet my goals?
* Are my spending estimates accurate?
* Have I included all my fixed and variable expenses?

Save your way to a more secure future.

An estimated seventy-five percent of families will experience a major financial setback in any given ten-year period. The economy and the job market are good now, but that could change. It's smart to be prepared for financial thunderstorms.
Save early, save often
A consistent, long-term saving program can help you achieve your goals. It also can help you build a financial safety net. Experts recommend that you save from three to six months worth of living expenses for emergencies.

Savings grow beyond what you contribute because of compound interest. Over time, the value of compound interest works to every saver's advantage.

For example, if you save $75 a month for five years and earn five-percent interest, the $4,500 you contributed would grow to $5,122 because of the compounding interest.

It's easy to figure out how long it will take you to double the money you save. It's called the Rule of 72. You take the interest you're earning on your money and divide that number into 72. The result is roughly the number of years it will take your principal to double.
For example, if you're earning 5 percent on your money, you divide 72 by 5 and you get 14.4. Your principal will double in 14.4 years without further contributions.
Keep in mind, however, that inflation reduces the return on your money.

For example, five percent-interest, adjusted for three-percent inflation, only nets a two-percent real return.

What you don't see, you don't spend
Saving means giving up something now, so you will have more in the future. It's not easy deferring or eliminating purchasing things you want today.

It helps to pay yourself first. Take a portion of savings from every paycheck before you pay any bills. Use your company's payroll deduction plan if available. Arrange for a fixed amount to be taken out so that you never see it. What you don't see, you don't spend. You also can direct automatic checking account withdrawals into a savings account or money market.

Join the company's retirement-savings plan (such as a 401K or 403B). Your contribution avoids current taxes and accumulates tax deferred. Also, companies sometimes match some of your contributions.

For example, for every dollar you contribute, the company could contribute 25 cents. That would be a 25-percent return on your money.

Other saving tips:

* When you get a raise, save all or most of it.
* Pay off your credit card balances and save the money you're no longer spending on interest.
* Shift credit card balances to a card with a lower interest rate and use the savings to pay off the balance.
* Keep your car a year or two longer. Do routine maintenance and make regular repairs. Save the money you would have spent on a new car.
* Stop smoking.
* Take $5 from your wallet everyday and put it in a safe place. That will add up to $1,825 in a year.
* Shop with a list and stick to it.
* Don't buy any new clothes until you've paid off your current wardrobe.
Eat more meals at home.
Look for inexpensive entertainment: zoos, museums, parks, walks, biking, library books, concerts, movies and picnics.
Shop for less expensive insurance.
* Save any tax refund.
* Drop subscriptions to publications you don't read.
* Postpone purchases or consider fewer features on the items you plan to purchase.
The less you spend, the more you can save. And the longer you can consistently save, the faster your savings will grow.
Conserve - spend sensibly; pay wisely.

Experts recommend paying with cash whenever possible. This helps you spend less than you otherwise would have spent if you had charged the purchase. You'll also avoid credit card interest charges and check-cashing fees.

Applying for a credit card
When you choose to apply for a credit card, shop carefully. There is a wide range of annual fees, interest rates, grace periods for which you do not pay interest, late fee charges, cash advance charges and other fees. Watch out for "teaser" rates that offer low rates initially but increase dramatically soon after.

To get a card with a low interest rate, you'll first need to pay down your current debt. Second, let a year go by without applying for any new cards or loans, or accepting a higher credit limit on your current cards. Third, cancel cards you're not currently using. As a rule, limit yourself to two credit cards. Fourth, get a copy of your credit report and check it for accuracy.

Credit cards
Visa, MasterCard, and Discover are revolving-credit cards. You can charge up to a certain limit and carry most of the balance forward from month to month. Be careful about only paying the minimum amount due. This is a very expensive form of credit because of interest charges. The best rule is to charge only what you can afford to pay off in full every month. Then actually pay the entire balance when you get the bill.

When you are paying down credit card debt, start with the card with the highest interest rate. Pay your bills as quickly as possible.

Charge cards
Some cards require that you pay the balance every month. They provide the convenience of not using cash and the discipline of requiring that you pay what you owe every thirty days.
Charge cards also provide the additional benefit of not charging interest, although you may pay an annual fee and other transaction fees.
Debit cards
A debit card looks like a credit card, but it works like the electronic equivalent of a check. You use it when you want to pay cash instead of using credit. When you pay with a debit card, your checking account will be debited for the amount of the purchase.

ATM cards (Automated Teller Machine) are debit cards. They automatically withdraw money from your account.
Some consumers prefer to use debit cards rather than credit cards because debit cards don't incur interest charges.

Paying off debt versus saving
If you have credit card or other debt, it usually makes sense to pay off this debt first before contributing to savings. The interest rate you'll get on savings is likely to be far less than the amount of credit interest you're paying.

Act - implement your plan/assess/adjust.

Once you have set goals, estimated your fixed and variable expenses and identified monthly savings targets, it's time to put your plan to work.

Give it some time. Then see how you're doing. Were you able to meet your savings goals? If so, stick with it. If not, look at your variable expenses for opportunity areas to cut back spending and increase savings.

Evaluate your plan every three months and make adjustments as needed. If you're not saving enough to meet your monthly goals, you may need to spend less.

Saving is the key to successful financial plans. Use payroll deductions or automatic transfers to checking, savings or money market accounts. It's easier to save if you never see the money.

Use budget plans for paying utilities if they're available. Use cash for purchases rather than charging if you can.

Enter each check you write in a check register. Balance the account every month. If you use a debit card, enter those amounts in your check register.

Select a financial institution.

Creating a safety net is easier if you work with a good financial institution such as a credit union, a bank or a thrift.

Interview employees at several locations. Look for people who are willing and able to answer your questions. Be ready to talk about the services and the advice you need.

For example, if it's important to you to conduct transactions face-to-face rather than by Automatic Teller Machines (ATM), ask if the financial institution charges for the services of a person at the counter. If you prefer to use ATMs, make sure they're readily accessible and don't charge transaction fees.

Once you select a financial institution, consider opening a checking account if you don't have one. A checking account can save you fees you may now be paying for cashing your paycheck and paying your bills.

Start now and stick with it. You'll find that being smart about money is well worth it.

BITCHOLOGY

2007-08-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch.

When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a
bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a
bitch.

Being a bitch
means I won't
compromise what's

in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little
selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be
who I
truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is
nothing
wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty
I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.
I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Love, they say it's patient
Love, they say it's kind
It sees beyond others fault
For they say love is blind...

Somebody emailed this to my hubby. Let's read and share.

Relationship Comparison Syndrome

2007-07-29T15:36:00.004+08:00

Why trying to compete with other couples is bad news for your love life?

If you could choose to be part of any celebrity duo, which one would be top of your list? Heath and Michelle? Nicole and Keith? Cameron and Justin? Be honest - you've thought about what it would be like - we all have and that's cool because we know there's no way we will ever be running with the Paris or Angelina crowd. But it's an altogether different story if you're comparing yourself to the couples on your social radar. By constantly noting how boyfriend's behaviour compares with other's boyfriend's, whether or not you hold hands as often as other couples or get a good enough bithday present compared with your bestie, you're setting youself up for plenty of relationship dissatisfaction and bedroom fights.

"Trying to jugde how good, strong, loving or committed your own relationship is by weighing it up against couples around you is a big mistake," says relationship counselor, Taylor Ferguson. "It puts you into a head space where you are likely to look for the negatives rather than the positives. How a relationship appears on the outside is no indication of what it's really like. For example, a couple who can't keep their in public may fight lots at home or have a great sex life but very poor communication about other issues."

1."They have sex three times a week or more - what's wrong with us?"
You ring and your girlfriend answer the phone giggling and saying she can't talk because they're busy getting their gear off or you meet them for dinner and they keep nuzzling and nibbling each other's ears. These two just can't keep their hands off each other and they make a point of letting everyone know it. On one hand, it makes your skin crawl and sometimes you feel like rolling your eyes and saying, "would you two just get a hotel room?"

On the other hand, their hot sex life makes you feel both envious and inadequate. You wouldn't mind it if your boyfriend desired you that much and you keep telling them so. But because he doesn't, you figure your sex life is somewhat under par.

The big picture: When a couple seem hell-bent on letting everyone know they make lovelike rabbits, you've got to ask yourself, what are they trying to prove? Could be they're trying to impress upon each other that the relationship is strong because in reality it's not terribly solid on the communication side.

"To feel secure in a relationship, both partners need to feel that they are loved and valued for who they are not just how much they put out or how great they look when they're naked," says Ferguson. "If the communication connection is as solid as the sexual connection then obviously it's a win-win situation, but often when there is an overwhelming focus sex, other aspects of the relationship are ignored and when the passion dies down - which is usually does in a few months or years - then the couple may struggle to stay together because their romance has been built on sex rather than true intimacy.

2."He's asked her to move in with him, why aren't we doing that yet?"
When you heard the news that your best friend was moving in with her boyfriend even though they've only been dating for a few months, you felt like you'd been kicked in the stomach. Secretly you've been hoping that your guy will make the suggestion but he shows no sign of wanting to take your relationship to that next level of commitment.

He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

3."They do more together than we do"
He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

4."How come we fight more than they do?"
Sometime when you out with other couples you worry that you look more like sparring partners than lovers. You argue on your way to a party because he didn't listen and took the wrong turn, they don't talk for the rest of the night or disagree in the middle of the dinner because he makes a joke that you're pre-menstrual and you hit back with complaints about his behaviour of late.

Meanwhile, the others couple are trying to pretend they're not noticing your public slanging matches. So what is it? How come they all manage to sort thing out without raising their voices while you two seem to always be at each other's throats?

The big picture: Firstly, if you are fighting a lot it might be a good idea to go to some couple's counseling or to both agree to try to take less confrontational approaches to dealing with problems in your relationship. Don't pressure It can lead you to discuss things that are bothering you and sort them out. When couples don't fight it can be because they are ultra compatible, but it could also indicate some issues that you really wouldn't want to have in your relationship.

According to Joan Gibson, couples counselor: "These may include a power imbalance - where one partner dominates all the decisions and the other feels so overwhelmed they've given up even trying to fight back. Or it could indicate a romance that's in a rut - and both partners are so jaded about the poor state of their relationship that they couldn't even be bothered on working to improve it anymore."

5."she got such a special birthday present from her boyfriend and I only got a bunch of flower.

So your boyfriend got you a CD for your 25th and you've just been out for your bestie's birthday and her man got her an antique lace shawl. As you watched her open the pressie you felt tears well in your eyes and realised how disappointed you still felt about how little thought he put into your gift. The minute you arrived home you picked a fight with him about it - accusing him of not making enough effort and always taking the slacker approach to things that should be special between you.

The big picture: Okay - so some guys are hopeless with gifts and either get the wrong kind of thing completely or buy something lame that they've clearly put no thought or time into. But the material things he buys you like flowers or jewellery - though nice to have - are not the only way you should measure the strenght of your relationship.

"Maybe your boyfriend is not that good with choosing feminine things to give you but makes up for this in other ways - by showing you how he feels," says Mallory. " If he's not gett5ing you exciting gifts but he shows his love in other ways by making you breakfast in bed or calling you during the day to say h's thinking of you, then in the scheme of things, a less-than-perfect birthday present really isn't that important. It's when you are not getting the TLC or the decent gifts that you have valid reason to complain."

Dumped? The Real Reasons He Did It

2007-06-25T14:13:00.003+08:00

Remark: Repost do to some of error..
Want to know why he broke it off with you? Stop ripping yourself to shreds and turn the spotlight on HIS commitment issues.

He says “We need to talk” so you suspect something is up and you’re prepared to work through the problem. Instead he just blurts out “it’s over” and you’re so shocked. You can barely breathe. After breaking your heart he trots out all the usual lines: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “This isn’t working”, “I’m not good enough for you”. “I never meant to hurt you”, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” and he even says “I’ll call you sometimes” before you sprint from the rules, barely holding back the floods of tears. But once you get back to your flat/car/girlfriend’s place you suddenly realize he hasn’t really been straight with you at all.

After all the time, energy and tenderness you gave to the relationship it has just imploded and you have no real idea why. Before you beat yourself up for being a total failure in love – go through his behaviour with a fine-toothed comb. There are only a few reasons why men dump women and most of them indicate his emotional issue, not yours:

1. He’s looking for the ideal woman.
And you’re not her – but don’t feel unworthy-no women could ever measure up to his unrealistic ideal. He’s ultimate partner has Angelina Jolie’s lips, Elle Macpherson’s breasts, Jennifer Aniston’s figure, a face like Catherine Zeta-Jones, the intelligent and talent of a Cate Blanchett and a sense of humor to match whoopi Goldberg’s. Obviously, he’s never going to find someone to fit this bill but he enters each relationship with this unhelpful wishlist in his head.

“When it comes to romance, women tend to take a positive approach, focusing on their partner’s good looks or his sensitivity and projecting ahead to how romantic their future together could be,” says psychologist Danita Sykes. “The glow of these rose-colored glasses often helps to gloss over their partner’s less appealing qualities such as a bad temper or tendency to flirt. But as a relationship develops men may come to take their girlfriend’s appealing traits for granted and be more preoccupied with the ways their partner doesn’t meet their needs. They think the women of their dreams should be close to perfect. So if she doesn’t shared his love of the arts or doesn’t cook as well as he does, he may worry that this is a sign she’s not really the right partner for him.”

The upshot? Believe him when he says “it’s not you, it’s me”-any person who keeps up a misguided quest for total perfection in a partner is setting themselves up to never find true love. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t recognize the special and unique qualities that make you such a great catch. “You’d be much better off with a men who is more emotionally evolved and mature,” Sykes points out.

2. He’s lazy in love.

Everything was peachy when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship – you hung n each other’s every word and couldn’t wait to get home to be together. But now, you’ve been together a while you’re encountering a few hiccoughs - having a negotiate errands, not always wanting sex at the same time arguing about everything from what tv programme you should watch to whether or not he should call when he’s only running half an hour late.

For him, doing any kind of emotional house work in a relationship is to much hard work and the minute these kind of day-to-day problems arise he always does a runner. “I see lots of men who just bail out the minute there is any kind of issue to be solved in their romantic life,” says Sykes. Some “ men mistakenly see differences of opinion as a sign that the two of you a just not compatible instead of realizing that every relationship requires a little work, and a lot of communication and compromise if it is to deepen an last.”

3. He met someone else.

This one hurts because he's unlikely to be upfront about the real reasons for the break. So you nurse your broken heart and try to save face in front of all yours friends by repeating hi exit line " I'm not ready to settle down" or " I need some time on my own". Next thing you hear on the grapevine, that he's not only launched himself back on the singles scene but he went straight from spiting up with you to asking another woman to go steady. Does she look like Cameron Diaz? Is he better than you in bed? What do you care? Be grateful - he's obviously got a roving eyes which means that down the track he might have been unfaithful or been a serial flirt. He's done you a big favour - now you can find a guy worthy of your trust.

4. He’s afraid of commitment.

5. He’s still in love with his ex.

6. He’s from a different world.

7. He’s been scared off.

Don't CRY Get Even!

2007-06-22T23:51:00.005+08:00

He left you for his colleague. Don't quietly seethe yourself into an ulcer. It's time for revenge.
It happens when you lift the last tissue fro your sixth box of Kleenex. The sobbing stops and the "My life's going to be hell without him" turns to "I'm going to make his life hell".

You stop crying every time you pass that restaurant and start plotting instead. The thought of his boss telling him off makes you smile. Horrid, vivid fantasies involving buses and trains haunt you. Not that you wish him ill of course, an uncomfortable injury will do. You wouldn't want him back if he begged you on bended knee - but you'd give anything to be able to say "Stick it, sweetheart". To have revenge at last.

There's something about being told "I don't love you anymore" that make us forget we wore pink when we were little because girls are nice, understanding, forgiving, and sympathetic. Bugger nice. It didn't get us anywhere, did it? Besides it's much more useful to feel angry than sad.

Anger is energy - it gives us the strength to perform the tasks an average revenge-seeking female faces in her day, like ripping car doors of. Sadness does nothing but ruin your mascara. Anger gives us the courage to make utter fools of ourselves - and not care a hoot.

Revenge is very good for you. Let all the anger fester inside and you'll end up with stomach ulcers. So here, for the recently trodden on, the Rule Of Revenge.

RULE ONE. Be original. Do it with style. Revenge should be dramatic and flamboyant - something people will talk about at the next dozen inner parties. If you're going to fling champagne, make sure it's Dom Perignon. If you're going to slap him accross the face, do it when he's making a speech at his company's Christmas party.

RULE TWO. Aim for the weak spots. Everyone has an Achilles heel. The man who prides himself of being the best-looking boy in the block will be suitably devastated if he see you hanging off the arm of the hottest male.

RULE THREE. Never destroy anything that can't be replaced - like photographs of his deceased mother, a Ming vase or limbs he may need later. A friend of a friend reputedly placed all her boyfriend's treasured books in the bath and kindly washed them for him. This is not OK: those books were first editions.

RULE FOUR: Keep a sense of humor. I know of one girl who enlisted the help of her pet's (use your imagination!), placed the result lovingly in layers of tissues and presented in a beautiful box. she wrapped the gift in paper printed with "I hate you" a millions times over - so even the postman knew the victim wasn't popular.

RULE FIVE: Living well is the best revenge. We all know the ultimate putdown is to do absolutely nothing. Be seen around town looking fabulous, a radiant smile n your face, a happy spring to your step. People - including your ex -will think the break-up was a mere hiccup in your busy life. And let's face it - isn't this more often the case?

What say you girls?

Memory Callengers..

2007-06-18T21:21:00.004+08:00

Many lifestyle factors can have a significant "memory zapping" effect on your brain:

Alcohol: Interferes with short-term memory and damages little branches in the brain called dendrites, which pass on messages between brain cells.

Insomnia: Lack of sleep reduces our ability to retrieve memories while sleep deprivation can leave you feeling forgetful the next day.

Smoking: Limits the amount of oxygen and bloodflow to the brain

Stress: The "fight or flight" response that we have when stressed, uses up energy leaving less circulating blood sugar to fuel your brain resulting in a loss of clarity and focus.

Some medications: Pills such as tranquillizers, muscle relaxants, sleeping pills, high blood pressure medication and antidepressants, can contribute to fuzzy thinking or cause some loss of memory capacity in some people.

Network Like a PRO!

2007-06-16T14:57:00.001+08:00

Who you meet today may just help boost your career tomorrow. So as you expand your address book, file these networking tips in:

DON'T BE SHY, BE CURIOUS. Beat shyness by being genuinely interested in someone. The conversation will flow better and naturally. Do ask others open ended questions which encourage conversation - most people love talking about themselves.

BE SINCERE. Networking isn't for short-term gain so ditch the impatient "what's in it for me" attitude. No one likes insincerity, plus it's easy to spot.

CASUAL CONTACT. Approach others casually with light topics before touching on more serious business-like topics. Never hit a social scene with your entire sales kit hoping to kill two birds with one stones.

KEEP IN TOUCH. Show appreciation with newfound and existing contacts by sending cheery greeting and messages during festivals and holidays. A simple thank you e-mail works well to keep in touch if your contacts have helped you in any small way.

GET OUT OF FAMILIAR CLIQUES. It's much easier to stick with people who you already know. However, make the best of social or work events to expand your horizons. After all, your friends were once people you didn't know too. Say a quick hello to them and then go forth to make a new contacts.

HEALTH HAZARD You can Stop Stressing about..

2007-05-24T13:19:00.003+08:00

Newspapers print so many scary headlines these days, we're not even sure we can drink water without contracting cancer. But should we believe them all? Read on and find out.
FACT: Salt can cause strokes
Let's face it, dousing our food with salt is almost as Malaysian bad traffic. But with a majority of the population consuming double the recommended daily amount of salt - that's 6g per day - does our sprinkling addiction mean we're risking our health? The answer's YES, according to reports that claim too much salt can cause strokes. So should we eat our fries au naturel?

"Well, salt is one of the risk factors that contribute to high blood pressure, which can increase your risk of developing heart disease or having a stroke," says Claire Williams, a nutrition scientist. "The real problem is that salt's hidden in almost all processed foods - from biscuits to ready meals to tomato sauce." So always check the salt content on food labels, and avoid adding more when you're cooking. But don't worry, just because you're in salt rehab doesn't mean you have to go cold turkey or chicken with the pepper!

FICTION: Oh yes, milk gives you cancer too..
After years of glugging litres of the white stuff to what off brittles bones, recent stories claimed that milk had joined the long list of carcinogens, which got us all confused. According to reports, one glass a day - the equivalent of the amount of milk found in regular latte - can double the risk of developing ovarian tumors. So should dairy be struck off the menu?

"Not at all," says Williams. This study, by scientists at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, is one of a number being carried out to investigate the possible cause of ovarian cancer. But so far they haven't been able to prove that drinking milk causes the disease." So why all the fuss?

"The study showed an association between milk and ovarian cancer, which basically means the women they tested drank a lot of milk had developed ovarian cancer," says Williams. "But that doesn't mean milk caused the cancer." But before you lay off the lattes to be on the safe side remember that, according to health experts, milk's still a great source of calcium and other essential nutrients, like Omega-3, all of which help keep your heart healthy and protect against breast and colon cancer.

FACT: Heart disease is the biggest killer out there..
Getting breast cancer used to be most women's Number One fear, especially with celebs like Anastacia and Kylie Minoque proving it can strike young. But then we were told there's a far bigger threat out there - heart disease. So would we really be more worried about that? "Truth is, women are four times more likely to die of heart disease than of breast cancer. But the good news is you can easily reduce the risk by sticking a healthy diet, exercising for 30 minutes at lease three times a week, and staying within the recommended weight limit for your height. High blood pressure and high cholesterol are also factors, so get your GP to check you over. And learn to relax!" says Dr Sarah Brewer, author of The Ultimate Stress Buster.

FICTION: Deodorant can cause breast cancer
No one wants to ruin their best dress with sweat patches, but reports linking chemicals used in deodorants - like aluminum - to breast cancer left us with a dilemma. Are we really risking our health by rolling on? Relax: The best medical evidence suggest not.

"The only scientific study that's looked directly at this question, conducted by the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre in Seattle, did not find any association between anti-perspirant use and a risk of breast cancer," says Dr Tim Key from Cancer Research UK. So why the panic? Well, another study found a higher incidence of breast cancer near the underarm, which led to people jumping to the conclusion that deodorant was to blame. But it's never been proved!

Hoorayyyyy!

HURT Alert!

2007-05-23T17:48:00.005+08:00

Don't set yourself up to be hurt in your next relationship. Minimise the chances of a romance ending badly by:
Trusting your intuition: If the guy you're seeing is a serial flirt or has a tendency to talk only about himself, don't ignore it - take a walk now before you get into deep.

Taking your time: Don't rush into having sex or revealing your entire life history to a guy you've just met - wait until you know each other much better - then you can be sure he deserves to have this level of intimacy with you.

Being honest: Once you've been together for a few months, make it clear that you're not in the market for a fling - and ask him how he feels about that. If he runs a mile you'll immediately know there was no future in the relationship anyway.

Giving him space: Resist the temptation to smother him in an effort to make the relationship work. Be cool about giving him his space - and he won't get scared off due to a fear that you're trying to take over his life.

Keeping quiet about past disasters in love: Don't tell him that you've been dumped a millions times - it will encourage him to see you as a victim and he may start to treat you like one. Wait until you've been together in a committed relationship for quite some time before you open up about those previous ill-fated romances.

Seeing yourself: Avoid pretending you're someone you're not just to please him - eventually when yours true colors show there's a chance he will either feel irritated that you were not being straight with him or will feel he can't trust you and break off the relationship.

Exercising and intimacy..

2007-05-14T17:58:00.004+08:00

If good health isn't a good enough reason to exercise, what about improving your sex life? Recent studies have found a direct correlation between physical inactivity and a lack of potency. Here's what you'll need to get the most out of your sex life.
For exciting and and enthusiastic sex,
you'll need cardio endurance since it won't be any fun if you bonk out halfway through. Do three or four days of cardio activity like running, walking, swimming or whatever floats your boat and your partner will thank you for it.

Sex also requires a little muscular stamina.
You may find yourself holding unusual positions for short periods of time, so conditioning your body can be a plus for loger-lasting sex. For endurance, you'll need to lift lighter weights for more repetitions.

Flexibility can enhance anyone's sex life
by making it a bit easier to get into your favorite position with a minimum of fuss. Why not try a little yoga to get you in the mood.

Exercise, along with a healthy diet,
and adequate sleep can boost your libido so you're up for anything! Also, don't forget that sex burns calories!

Online JOB Scam alert!

2007-05-14T17:31:00.003+08:00

Looking for a job online? Beware of scam artists who are now posting phoney recruitment ads on reputable job search sites to get your MONEY or your IDENTITY. Heed these red flags:

Requires money upfront. Unless you're starting your own business, you should not have to invest any money on a job. Also don't give out any personal financial details over the phone or via email. Scammers will sometimes try to get your info as soon as you respond to their ads. One tactic is requiring direct deposit into upfront. An employers need your time and skills, not your money.

Makes outrageous claims. Don't bother with ads that offer high income for little or no experience. For example, $2000 per week to fill envelopes is a sure scam. A legit employer aims to narrow responses by detailing requisite skills and experience.

Contact is a public email. Avoid job ads that list contact under free account like Yahoo! or Hotmail. These services can be used anonymously which is what scam artistes prefer. If you get a respond by phone, never give out personal or financial details. An employer can find more about you during an interview. If the representative pressures you to do business over the phone, refuse and hang up.

6 signs he's bored with you in bed..

2007-05-10T14:39:00.004+08:00

>>A certain day of the week means it's time to do IT.

>> The positions never vary.

>> Ditto locations.

>> He closes his eyes more than he used to as he's no longer getting off on the visuals. Instead, he's using his imagination and you probably ain't in it.

>> He now waits until the end of TV shows t make his move.

>> He no longer looks that upset when you're not in the mood.

CAREER COACH: Business Babble

2007-05-10T14:09:00.001+08:00

Understanding corporate-speak can feel a little like learning a foreign language. Here are some common phrase you should know:

Core competency: The thing or the organization are good at.

Disconnect: A misunderstanding or breakdown in communication.

Drill down: Get more information and elaborate on the details.

Smell test: Looking into an idea or product to see it really does have good potential.

I'm crashing and burning: I'm busy

We need more headcount: More people are needed to get the job done.

Brain dump: Getting down information that's in your head - whether to handover a job to someone or brainstorm for new ideas.

Value-add: The idea or product or person is a good thing for the company.

Up-selling: Selling something to a client or customer that they don't really need.

Take it off-line: Talk amongst yourself about it later.

Low-hanging fruits: Easy openings or opportunities for new business.

Cubicled: To get demoted

Circle back: Get back to me.

Drink from the fire-host: To learn as much as possible about the subject in only a short period of time (this used to be called "getting up to speed")

Cash$Career: Super Saver!

2007-05-05T12:51:00.001+08:00

If your check-out sum at the grocery takes too big a bite out of your pocket, try these cost-effective shopping list.

NEVER SHOP WHEN STARVE! A hungry shopper is greedy shopper, dashing through supermarket food isles grabbing anything in sight that looks good enough to pacify their hunger at the moment. More often then not, you end up buying things you end up not eating. So shop when your tum not growling.

MAKE A LIST. The tried-and-true practice of coming up with a shopping list is never overrated. Here's how to go about it: Decide on a realistic budget and make a list, a long one if you will. Go through it again, then slash out whatever you can do without.

LEARNS TO COOK QUICK AND EASY MEALS. Cooking at home is definitely cheaper, but most of us don't have the time to do it. If your definition of a home-cooked meal is instant noodles or sachet soup, it's time you learned to whip up easy-to-prepare proper meals. Just browse the shelves of a bookstore and you'll find plenty of cookbooks to inspire you.

BUY EGGS. Eggs last longer than veggies, are cheaper than meat and packed with vitamins, Plus they're versatile enough to make great meals for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even dessert!

IT'S OFFICIALLY: Money Makes People Selfish!

2007-05-05T12:26:00.002+08:00

Researchers at the Carlson School Of Management at the University of Minnesota found that when money is around, people are more motivated towards achieving theirs goals and become less cooperative. The concept of money, they suggest, makes a person feel more self-sufficient and thus more apt to stand alone.

In one experiment, subjects exposed to concept of money via a word puzzle task were later less helpful to a person in need. "The mere present of money changes people," comments Kathleen Vohs, the leader of the study. Exposure to the money, or concept of the money, elevates a sense of self-sufficiency. People don't want to be a burden on others."

According to the results of the study, pictures of money, a tip lying on the table, thinking about your holiday bonus - all of these make people behave self-sufficiently. The results also indicate that these people also work longer before asking for help, are less helpful to the others, and prefer to play and work alone.

In addition, people who are exposed to the concept of the money can even put more physical distance between themselves and a new acquaintance compared to people who are not reminded of money.

All this may explain why the topic of money can seriously affect relationships between friends and lovers. As long as people want to be self-centered, there is little room for sharing or giving others.

"It's not malicious," says Vohs. "People are focused on their own goals -but unfortunately not others."

Why Money and Friendships DO NOT MiX?

2007-04-30T10:38:00.003+08:00

You have your money and you friend,

You loan your money to your friend,
You ask your money from your friend,
You lose your money and your friend
-Unknown-

Need a quick way to end a friendship? Just ask her for a loan! Many a long friendship has ended because of money, but how can you avoid it?

When it comes to money, everyone's got problems. There is just too little of the nasty stuff to go around - no matter how much we have, we always seem to be able to find new, creative ways of spending it all and needing more. Make no mistake about it: money can corrupt and ruin everything it touches.. including friendships.

Money does not care whether you are a borrower or lender, a buyer or a seller, a giver or a taker - as long as you need it (and who does not?), you are corruptible.

This doesn't make you a mean person, just human. As a lender, you hate having to ask for your money back; as a borrower, you feel ashamed for being unable to repay it. Either way, bad blood has come into the friendship.. and thus the problems begin. Money and friendships simply do not mix.

What's it worth?
We like to equate the strength of our friendships with whether or not we can freely lend money to each other, and we are often wrong. We underestimate how important money is to other people. We think that our needs, our "emergencies", are more important than theirs.. which, whilst sounding selfish, is also completely true.

A good friendship is worth a lot. The question you need to ask yourself before lending or borrowing money is, "How valuable Is The Friendship To You?"

If it is worth more than the money being ask for, then don't give or take the money. Your friendship will survive. And so you.

Dangers Of SINGLEHOOD!

2007-04-18T11:55:00.004+08:00

Watch out these pitfalls of single life before they ruin you!

Alcohol-induced dating

If you find the only way you can feel good about being on a date with someone new is by having two - or five - glasses of wine, beware: You may get his body for a few nights, but you'll never capture his heart. You'll dive to the bottom of your next chardonnay in search of an answer to your loneliness, and before you know it, you'll find you don't want a man after all - a bottle of red wine is what you'll need.

Gift splurges
If your credit card statement says you're spending too much on fancy ties, cufflinks and gadgets, it's probably right.. especially if they are all for someone else. There is wisdom in The Beatles' advice: "Money Can't Buy Me Love."

Drugs
If he's on drugs and wants you to "share the fun", that's an invitation to madness. Drugs are one-way road to misery, no matter how euphoric that first communal companionship is.

Free SEX
Sharing your bed with an unreasonable number of men runs you the risk of contracting all kind of horrible sexually-transmitted diseases (STD), not to mention earning you the labels "Free Sex Here!" on your forehead. Make love responsibly, and you'll be love and return.

Misery love company
How's your circle of friends? If you find that your best pals are all losers, it may be because all of you share this in common: A fear of loneliness. Break away from this group, even if it means losing all your friends and starting over, because they never let you move forward alone.

Uhmm..

Desperately SINGLE!

2007-04-11T00:32:00.003+08:00

It may be fun being single. But when loneliness lurks beneath the surface, that fun could easily be misery in disguise. Can singlehood destroy you?

When Jane decided to hook up with Kenneth, it was not love that was on her mind. It wasn't money, either. Nor fame, nor sympathy, nor babies.

No. Jane's motive was a lot more primal: Fear. What made up her mind was the numbing terror spending another night alone, even if it was in someone's else bed with his sweet, tuneless snoring for a lullaby. She has come to dread loneliness so much that she has agreed to move in with Kenneth in spite of his alcoholic tendencies.. and because he'd said "yes" when she proposed the idea a couple nights ago.

"What Kenneth and I have is special, but I don't think it's love," elaborates Jane, who is celebrating her third week as Kenneth's girlfriend in the usual way: Binge drinking. I'd say it's an understanding." She winks confidentially at me, then turns to do Macarena with her new boyfriend. Later, she may talk more. But now, she simply says, she want to forget. Forget love, forget life, forget singlehod.

Unhappy singlehood.
Jane's life before Kenneth was not all different from what it is now, typical of the lives of any number of other single women on the planet Venus: Work Mondays to Fridays, party, wake up with a stranger on Saturday morning, go to a movie on Sunday and start all over again on Monday.

She has a regular job, she dates, she has sex, and she has a social life and family. Every now and then, she disappears for a couple of weeks on vacation - sometimes alone sometimes with friends and returns refresh and tanned. Her normalcy can be defined by her Sunday laundry: Sensible cotton underwear, decent blouses and skirts, loose T-shirts and, occasionally, a racy mini-dress. Independent, aggressive and feminine, she embodies the woman of the 21st century.

And Jane wants love. She has a formula for it, too - the same she used on Kenneth - which she was happy to share for this interview: "The easiest way to get a man interested in you is to lock heels with him," she claims. "Until then, he's about as interested in you as a baby is in pureed spinach.. unless you are Angelina Jolie, of course."

Jane is no looker, it must be admitted, but she's no hunchback of Notre Dame. With her slim hips, her formula is probably infallible at getting her sex. But I have reservations about whether it actually finds her "love". Kenneth is living proof of that.

What is it that drives women and men to take such desperate measures to get hitched? It seems that the stakes are higher these days, and the asking price for decent dates has gone up. Competition is stiff. To attract even a mediocre representative of the opposite sex, you have got to be above average yourself.

That is the only way to stand out in a crowded marketplace full of single Asian women asking - begging! - for Mr. Right. And with so many of the men looking for theirs Ms Rights at the same time, it's no wonder that formula like Jane's work so well: in this chaotic match-market, love, no matter how fleeting (and in the bedroom it always is), comes a welcome relief from the stresses of looking, of finding and of disappointment. There is little time and opportunity to waste on uncomfortable "get to know you" phones call and lunches punctuated with periods of silence. For late-20something desperados like Jane, the acid test of compatibility is "Do we come together?"

Men, of course, figure differently. "Locking heels" would probably earn them a police arrest rather than a litmus test in bed, so they earn the approbation of women by buying them flowers, expensive chocolates and, in the worst cases, jewelery. What is sad about this practice is that it can go on for long time - at no expense to the woman, of course - and still mean e sleeps alone again with nothing but his right hand for company.

Tony, a 33-years-old entrepreneur, has an on-going relationship with an air stewardess. He estimates that he has already spent about RM80,000 on gift, clothes and holidays on her. His presents so far have included Gucci handbags, Lazare diamond jewelery and a trip to Disneyland. But he knows the score better than anyone: "As long as I gave her what she wants, she will love me. If the money runs out, so will her lov."

Will she marry him? Maybe.. If she tires soon of her life flying around the world and serving coffee to grumpy old men. If another man comes along who can offer more than Tony - the life of the truly rich and fabulous, say - maybe not. But for Tony, money-purchased love is better than the haunting loneliness he used to be familiar with.

"I used to hire prostitutes to ease my loneliness," says Tony grimly. "Two at a time, if I felt like it. Do I want to do that again? No way. No matter how artificial, Michelle is at least a partner to me." Of love, Tony has precious little to offer. "Love is unpredictable," he says. With Michelle, at least I know what I need to do to make her stay. Better that than being alone."

Of happiness..
Jane, sweaty but happy, orders another drink. I ask her about love. And about happiness. "Happiness is temporary, but can be easily acquired," says Jane after a long draught from her Pilsner. "True love is probably permanent, but you cannot find it."

Lonely people need the presence of others in their lives to make themselves feel "whole". Their life are typified by their need for constant contact people: Needing someone to launch with everyday, needing housemates to return home to, needing colleagues to bitch to, needing someone to call when they're driving home. As they grow olders, their circle of acquaintances narrows - their friends get married, move away or die. Eventually, they face the possibility of being alone for the rest of theirs lives, and that's when the aloneness gets really terrifying.

At first, they may play by the rules: Keep your pants on but keep your mind open. Play the "respectable"circuits - networking events, clubs, blind dates. But as their fear of that loneliness grows, so does their desperation. Eventually, they take reckless risk with their lives in an effort to win companionship. For the desperate singleton, communal happiness is only drink, a puff or a shag away. And, for as long as its effects last, they are lonely no more.

They have a relationship based on alcohol or drugs or sex that last a few hours, may be even a few weeks. And during that time, they are happy, they are whole. When the nagging pre monition that the other person will leave turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, they are lonely again. But that's okay, because it only take a drink, a puff or a shag to hook up with someone new.

That, in a nutshell, sums it all up. Jane, with sass in her eyes and mischief on her mind, leans on the arm of an expatriate at the bar, her boyfriend forgotten for the moment. Perhaps Kenneth has his own story to tell. Perhaps he too, like Jane, is terrified being alone, and just now found his joyful respite in a bottle whisky on the floor of the men's room. Perhaps the American man whose attention she now commands has a story about loneliness too. May be we all have a story about loneliness, and how it come to "get" us one night. Maybe while most of us manage to find a cure for that loneliness before it overwhelms our lives and our senses. Desperate singletons are robbed of their reason and would rather have temporary happiness at many cost then be faced with their loneliness again.

.... and of love
"Am I not loveable?" Jane slur to me. I don't know how to answer. At the moment, certainly not: but maybe if she were sober, I'd have a better idea. "See? It's just like I said: Love does not come easy.. especially to me," says Jane, taking me hesitancy as my answer. ( As I write this the next day, I realise the truly sad part about this moment: I don't think she was far from the truth - she isn't loveable at all.) Yet for now, Jane is happy. As is her boyfriend - wherever he is - and the raucous American who is currently enjoying her company. To judge from this examples, it'd seem that Jane is right: Happiness may be temporary... but at lease it's easy to come by.

But if love were most readily available, would it be easier for someone to love Jane? Kenneth? Tony? A hundred million other singletons around the world who will go to sleep tonight feeling unlove, lonely and incomplete? The picture as Jane paints is for this story it is decidedly gloomy. But it must be said that if love did come looking for her, she'd not be ready for it. In the face of her bleak wisdom, love would flee.

It may be patient and it may be kind, but love is not foolish! It will go to people who are ready to appreciate love for what it is: Passionate, capricious, joyous and beautiful. And because there are no guarantee love will last, the same people must prepared for the possibility of being alone again if it does not work out - and to deal with that loneliness constructively. Yet for every Unloveable Jane who leads a miserable single life, they are at least a hundred other loveable women who are satisfied with singlehood, and who are ready for love should it come knocking. Question is, are you of them?

Thanks My Lord for what I have. God's love is forever!

5 Ways To Save On Campus

2007-04-09T13:30:00.001+08:00

1. Create a budget. To be fiscally fit track your expenses and income. Set aside something for emergencies and if you know you need some money for entertainment, be it a CD or the occasional movie, factor in it to avoid nasty surprise.

2. Buy in bulk. If you're sharing a place with friends, try buying household items such as detergent, dish-washing liquid or rice in bulk from low-price hypermarkets.

3. Buy used book. If you can get used books from seniors who've completed the course so much the better! Alternatively, check out book prices online, it could be lower than what the bookstores offer. If you divvy up the freight charges with a group of friends, it could be worth your while.

4. Don't drive. A car is no doubt convenient but maintaining a vehicle is expensive. Besides petrol and parking, you need to set aside funds for insurance, road tax, regular service appointments as well as repairs should it become necessary.

5. Smart spending equals savings. Stock your wardrobe with basic and update them with key items from the latest trends or hit the boutiques during end-of-session sales. Do your research to see what or when certain cafes, cinemas or even restaurants offer student discounts and patronise this outlets to save.

4 THINGS Never To Tease A Guy About

2007-04-08T11:21:00.002+08:00

This brave male explains which subjects are most scared to men.

Let's set one thing straight: You can tease me about the way I dress or hold my stomach in whatever you walk by. Fine. That said, I'll admit there are some things you should never ever tease me - or any other guy - about. Our HAIR, STATURE, SALARY, and PENIS size. Poke fun at one of those and you might as well rip out our hearts and use them as coasters for your herbal tea. Why are these such sore spots for men? First, they can be compared against other's men. Second, we have absolutely no POWER to change them.

Men believe their financial worth reflects their innerworth. So teasing us about our salaries is really another way of making fun of our manhood. Recently, my date Danielle made fun of me when she said, "Your TV is the tiniest of any guy I know." That comment burned a hole in my ego because it pitted me against the rest of the guys she knows - men with bigger , wider, um, screens. Big TV means big wallets. And a guy's net worth isn't something he can just instantly change - unless he has a gun and ski mask. The cut deepened when, continuing to survey my flat, she asked, "so what do you spend your money on?" Should I mention the Rogaine? I wondered.

If there's anything men are sensitive about - it's our hair. Every guy I know worries about losing his locks one day, because he knows that with his hair goes his ability to attract women. My friend Dan was devastated after a girlfriend said, Your is so soft. Too bad you don't have more of it." Foul!

And men can't do anything about their height. My brothers are 6 feet tall. I'm 5ft 7in. When my Jody teased, "Your brothers got all the height - what did you get?" I replied: "A sunny #$&%ing disposition!" Although there have been many puny-yet-Napoleon, studies show that the taller men are taken more seriously than guys like me. There is also a belief that the taller a guy is, the proportionately bigger he is elsewhere. (Of course, we know they're referring to feet.)

That brings up the final torturous taunt: Mocking our Manhood. It's easy for you to tease a man about his member since you don't have one, but on our list of priorities, it's just below breathing. While I welcome most of the attention a woman may pay to my joystick - making a cutting remark about it isn't. Teasing a man about his member implies you're comparing him to someone else - and our mental health doesn't need that.

DO YOU SPY On The Man In Your Life?

2007-03-23T14:18:00.001+08:00

You know he's faithful to you, because you know he's been what he's been doing and who he's been with every minute of the day. Lindsay Nicholson believes nothing keeps you together like a little healthy mistrust.

Dan think his girlfriend is a witch. If the merest thought of infidelity enters his mind, Meg seem to know about it. He thinks she has EPS. She says it's female intuition. What she doesn't tell him is that every night while he brushing his teeth she searches his pockets. A phone number on a book of matches or a parking ticket for an unfamiliar part of town - there could be innocent explanations for all of them, but Meg prepares her pre-emptive strike anyway.

It isn't that Dan is unfaithful. He's just a good looking guy who occasionally gives one of the girls from work a lift home or chats with a fellow (female) customer while he waits for his friends in a pub. It never goes further than that. Dan knows that after five years of monogamy he's still attractive to the other women but ("Thanks God," he says) he doesn't have to do anything about it. Men like that kind of security. As for Meg - the kind of person who can't walk past a phone without pressing the redial to find out the last number called - well, it seems to suit her too. It may not sound like the perfect relationship but it works for them.

Relationships based on 100% honest are, like pure linen sheets. Sure, they sound fine in theory but ironing out the wrinkles after you used the sheets tire after a while. Just as telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth can get to be very tedious. For practical, daily use, polycotton is easier. The "polycotton" relationship means telling your man you're going for a drink with the girls after work. The pure "linen" variety would involve disclosing to him that there's also a chance the new guy in accounts will be there and you wouldn't mind batting your eyelashes at him.

A little economy with the truth is inevitable, but spying on your partner is unacceptable. For instance, steaming opens envelopes never works. When you try to stick them down again the flap always look tampered with. It's better to hang over his shoulder as he opens his mail saying; "oh that looks interesting..." Likewise, listening in on the extension is best reserved for made-for-tv movies. However absent mindedly picking up the phone i the bedroom when he's talking on the one downstairs is understandable.

The healthiest relationships are based on mutual distrust or, to put it more gently, never taking each other for granted. The old saying that if a man is unfaithful, the wife is always the last to know, is a cliche precisely because it's so often true. Of course you need to be savvy about it. Katie, for instance doesn't believe that Mark is having an affair. How could he be? She never lets him out of her sight except when he's at work. Then, if he has to stay late, she rings repeatedly, to check he really is at his desk and not somewhere else!

Actually, he's usually under his desk, with the secretary. And he boasts about this to his friends. When the phone rings he reaches for the receiver and chats to Katie. Then he says: "Sorry, I've got to go, something come up..." Poor Katie. She ought to turn up unexpectedly to take him out for a drink on one of his late nights. Or maybe she doesn't want to know after all.

What say you?

He probably has plans to dump you if he..

2007-03-15T13:31:00.002+08:00

# hasn’t called you back for days

# Gives you the silent treatment most of the time

# Asked for his key back he says he needs to get another spare cut (the excuse sounds very suspect).

# Would rather watch tellie than have sex.

# Suggested you have a few weeks break from each other

# Has gone away on holiday and hasn’t called.

# Is spending more time with his mates than you.

# Suddenly has to “work late” most nights.

# Keep making comments like “don’t get too attached to me”
or “I’m a bachelor at heart”

# Never spends the night any more after you’ve made love.

QUICK COMEBACKS..!

He’s dumped you but that doesn’t mean you have to feel like a FOOL. Hit him with the right comeback and walk away with your head held high.

HE SAYS: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

YOU SAY: “Yes I can see that – you have so many emotional problems I would have needed to be a counselor to make this work.”

HE SAYS: “I’m just not ready to get serious yet.”

YOU SAY: “That’s such a relief – although I am ready to get serious I was worried you might think I wanted to get serious with you.”

HE SAYS: “I just need some space for a while”

YOU SAY: “The timing of this couldn’t be better – I’ve just met a guy I really like – So I’d like to ha a break as well because he’s really hot and I want to get to know him better.”

HE SAYS: “We’re just not well suited.”

YOU SAY: “It’s true –we’re not right for each other – I’m looking for a guy with a sense of humour, intelligence, communication skills and openness in the bedroom – and you’re definitely not him.”

HE SAYS: “Our relationship has lost its spark.”

YOU SAY: “Don’t feel bad – What I felt for you was only lust so now that’s on the wane, I’m ready to find another lover.”

HE SAYS: “I would love to stay friends.”

YOU SAYS: “I don’t really think we can be friends – you don’t have any of the qualities I look for in a lasting relationship. But thanks anyway for the sentiment.”

After Get Dumped - Surviving The 1st 24 Hours

2007-03-15T09:38:00.003+08:00

You're a mess - your nerves are shot, you're eyes are puffy and you just can't stop thinking about the fact that he's dumped you. Here's how to make it through the first day.

1.Have a long, lanquid candlelit bath, buy your favourite takeaway or go shopping for a great new lipstick to boost your spirits a little.

2.In something that makes you feel good - track pants and tears are not good combo.

3.Or if you and your flatmate get on well ask if she wouldn't mind staying in so that have some company. Do something like watch a funny DVD or play board games - try not to spend all night talking about him.

4.If you think he's led you on or know he's been unfaithful, don't call him or he might hang up in your ear. Instead, pour your feelings out in a letter - you'll feel much lighter for getting all the things you wanted to say to him off your chest without being interrupted or sidelined.

5.Off everything he did that was annoying off-putting -it'll help you realise he wasn't so great after all.

6.Don't slip into negative self-talk such as "I'll never find the right guy". Instead, focus on the positives - you can stay in the bathroom as long as you like and play your CDs without him complaining. Remind yourself that he's done you a favour - by making you free for the right relationship when it comes along.

7 things you didn't know men find SEXY

2007-03-13T23:41:00.002+08:00

The way you...

1. Tuck your hair behind your ear.

2. Widen your eyes applying mascara.

3. Unknowingly pout when trying on clothing.

4. Laugh at our dumb jokes that don't deserve this reaction.

5. End a call because we're on the other line.

6. Unfavourably compare your friend's boyfriend with us.

7. Hug us from behind.

Girlfriend or GOOD-TIME girl?

2007-03-13T23:34:00.003+08:00

You think you’re his girlfriend, but does he?

Ben mcKelvey shines a torch into guys’ thoughts for us.

If you’re planning to live with us- the other sex – it’s probably a good idea to come to term with the concept of “plausible deniability”. Coined in the late 50s, when the CIA was up to their shadiest dealings, the political figures of the time wanted to cover their rears. So instead of ordering people like the CIA to stop doing thinks like putting LSD in Fidel Castro’s drinks, they just stopped taking briefings from people like the CIA. Suddenly it was plausible for politicos to deny knowing about dodgy dealings. Voila! I present to you plausible the deniability.

For us guys, plausible deniability basically means willfully not knowing the status of a relationship with a female. We get the girl and keep the single status. Sex when you want it, but also impunity to hook up elsewhere. For you, it probably means confusion and anguish. But, hey, all’s fair in love and cold war, right?

I’ve never set out to do this deliberately. Looking back, however, I realize that every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve held onto plausible deniability for as long as I could. I’ve gently steered conversation about the status of the relationship elsewhere. I’ve meted out dates so they don’t have to much regularity.

In fact, I’ve probably missed a lot of good times just so when Jessica Alba, finally comes to my house and asks, “Ben, are you single?”, I can say yes. It’s tough but I think Jess is worth it. Men see marriage everywhere and not as a shining gold to march towards, but as an inescapable vacuum of monogamy. This is only marginally preferable to that other inescapable vacuum – lonely old age and death. In the same way that every time a guy sees a hot girl get on the bus (and sees an image of what see looks like having sex), we also get an image of marriage, a place where relationship rules are unambiguous, laid down in common law where if fucked around, you’ll be damned. In short, a scary place.

This make things confusing because, cosmetically – when we meet someone we actually like and want to be with – we act the exact same way as when we’re with a girl we’re just stringing a long for a sex or company, and who we have absolutely no desire to take to the next level.

So, how do you know if he sees you as casual piece of fun or something more? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, it doesn’t you’ve going out, it certainly doesn’t matter if you’re having sex or not. The real question is: Do his mates know about you?, when he hangs out with his mates and invites you along, you can safely assume he consider you more than just a piece of ass.

The way of telling that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material as when he’s the one setting up the meetings and only calls on certain days. If you’re exclusively getting drunken phone calls at 3am, then you’re probably serving a need.

So, if the situation looks questionable, how do you get him over the boyfriend or girlfriend line? It’s simple – just call his bluff. If you’re Wednesday girl start making him take you out on Friday night, or vice versa. Don’t take no for an answer. He’s not going to like it. He’ll say things like, “we’re enjoying each other’s company, isn’t that enough?” At least, that’s what I said. But it has to be done and it’ll actually be better for him in the long term. If you press him, you’re get a result for a better or worse. If you’re a Friday or Saturday night booty call, it’s probably not looking good. But if you’ve got a mid-week or Sunday thing going, there’s a much better chance you’ll to pin him down.

Please help stamp out plausible deniability, if not for your sake, then for ours. If he don’t, we’ll keep stringing you along until we end up sleeping with someone else, making you miserable. Or worse, you’ll sleep with someone else and, suddenly convinced you’re the love of our live, we’ll become complete stalkers. And nobody wants that.

Instant man decoder

So.. is he into you? Or just making you think he is? Find out now.

Have you been somewhere other than your or his bedroom?
Would his friends know who you were if they answered his phone?
Does he call or take you regularly during the week?
When you’re together at the pub, will he talk to you a lot?
If he still satisfied when you dates don’t end in sex?
Would he call to see how you are if you took the day off sick?
Is he willing to meet his friend? And does he make an effort once he’s there?

Congratulations. You’re in what we call the beginning phase of a relationship. Take it slooooow.

Um..yeah!..you know you having casual sex, you just don’t want to admit it.

Wall Flower Syndrome- When You're Too Afraid To Fall in LOVE.

2007-03-07T12:53:00.003+08:00

The more you've been hurt in love the harder it is to give your heart again. By Stephanie Osfield.

You think you'll never get over it when a guy breaks your heart. You feel down on yourself ("Why don't my relationships ever work out?"); foolish ("How could I have given so much to someone so undeserving?") and angry (" this is the last time I ever let someone do this to me"). Though the tears dry and you do learn to laugh again there can be a lasting fear that you may get hurt the next time around. Sure, that can bring some positives - encouraging you too choose partners more wisely or ensuring you hold back on having sex until you're sure the next guy you meet is worthy your love. But past romantic disasters can also give you a fear of intimacy so strong it may stand in the way of you finding true love again.

Once bitten, twice shy.
If you were bitten by a snake in your backyard then every time you go to that part of the garden you'd feel a little fearful of it happening again. That's human nature - remembering and acting defensively are an inbuilt part of our emotional make-up - they're instinctive responses designed to keep us safe from predators so that we survive. Unfortunately, the fear of being hurt also applies in love - so when your heart has been bruised in one or more relationships, it's hard not to be permanently on your guard. If you were open, honest, affectionate and passionate and your boyfriend lapped it all up then later dumped you - you're naturally going to be wary of being too giving in love again. But what a cost?

A painful break-up can leave scars that run deep. Maybe you've decided to keep every man you meet at arm's length. Maybe you haven't dated another guy for a long time because you're distant with every new man you meet. Whatever your tactics for keeping your heart safe, one thing is certain -avoiding intimacy is no reliable insurance policy against a broken heart. On the contrary, you're likely to end up with a heart that is breaking from loneliness and the ache to be loved.

"Emotional intimacy is one of the most uplifting experiences in life", say counselor, Kerryn Morrison. "When you share your deepest feelings, hopes and fears with someone and they share theirs with you, there is overwhelming sense of feeling fulfilled and belonging. That's why we all strive to have successful relationships - so that we can enjoy emotional intimacy and the sense of self-worth that romantic attachment provides.

" But when you're overly cautious about protecting yourself in lover you deny yourself the chance of ever achieving this level of emotional happiness. Being vulnerable with another person and letting them know who you really are is the basic foundation for any lasting romance. Hold back from doing this because your last boyfriend abused this intimate knowledge of you and you'll not only prevent the men you met from getting to know the real, wonderful you, but you'll also scare potential partners away because you'll come across as withdrawn and unapproachable.

Don't take it to HEART
"I've fallen out of love with you", "I've met someone else"; "I'm not ready to settle down just yet..." whatever reason a guy gives for ending your relationship -It's hard not to take it personally.

"When I got dumped for the third time in a year, for at lease six months, I blamed myself - Thinking I clearly wasn't smart enough to keep a man captivated, not attractive enough to keep a man from looking at other women and not interesting enough to hold a man's attention for long," Says Tanya, 24. "It was unable to be the kind of woman who'd make guy stick around. And because I'd had three men treat me thoughtlessly I was afraid of even dating again. So for a long time I just stood back and played the role of the wallflower.

"I didn't flirt with guys, I didn't even smile at them - I actually felt safer if no man showed any interest in me and soon that was the case - I was giving 'off-limits' signals. I thought I was keeping myself in a position of strength by holding back, but over time I was becoming increasingly bitter, sad, isolated and despairing. Deep down I still wanted to be loved - I just didn't know how to achieve that level of romance without putting my heart at risk." While she was busy cataloging her many inadequacies it never occurred to Tanya that maybe that problem was with the men she was dating - chances are they just weren't right for her or had their own emotional issues such as commitment phobia.

In short, instead of going into self-preservation mode because you had a relationship that didn't work out, it's much healthier to try to look at what happened objectively so that you can learn from the experience. Did you try too hard to please him? Did you catch him on the rebound? Were you trying too much to change him or were you and your boyfriend just too different to ever make a real go of it? Seeing each break-up clearly for what it was will let you off the hook so that you can be kind to yourself again.

"When a person fears being hurt again in love you can usually trace their ongoing trauma back to one fundamental problem - the inability to deal with a sense that they have been rejected," says Morrison. "Learning how to work through this feelings and not to take rejection as a character assassination is the key to moving beyond fear s that you can regain enough confidence and self-esteem to open yourself up again in love,"

Who are YOU?
Do feel that you're nothing without your boyfriend. Do you tend to put each guy you date in a position of power over you so go along in the hope that keeping him happy will make him stay with you? Then you're setting yourself up to have your heart broken. The moment you let yourself be defined by who you are with rather than who you are, you're in dangerous territory. It's impossible to have successful relationship unless you are in touch with your own identity.

"I often find in women who feel they have been unhappy in love that they have been unhappy in love that they are not good at setting boundaries about the way they are treated," says psychologist, Theresa Spittle. "They have spent so long letting other people call the shots they have no idea they what they want. I encourage them to put themselves first for a chance. They write a list to identify what makes them happy, what they feel passionate about. Through this process they realise that our thoughts are what have the most influence over our happiness."

Mr. WRONG again...?

2007-03-02T00:43:00.003+08:00

Courtesy of CLEO Mag.

Another man? Another disappointment? You could be sabotaging your relationships. Here's how to halt another heartache. By Nita Tucker

Finally, you've met the perfect person. You have the relationship you've always wanted and everything is picture-perfect. But soon, the first cracks begin to appear. He makes too much noise when he eats. He has irritating laugh. He's stingy. He's bossy. You start to fret. You get resentful. You start looking for the EXIT signs.

Don't panic. The relationship may not be falling apart and you may not have hooked up with the wrong person. It may be just your collection of bad attitudes that you've been carrying with you from relationship, and that collection may have started as you observed your parents' relationship. Many people find that their partnerships are replicas of less-than-perfect relationships they observed as children. These childhood impression can be so deeply routed that it doesn't occur to people to try to break out of them. They simply resign themselves to the limitations of fulfilling partnerships and say, "It's the way marriage is."

When you enter a new relationship, you bring any negative attitudes, opinions and fears with you. For instance, if the man you’re dating tells you he’d like to spend some time apart, it’s could mean he’d enjoy doing some things on his own or it could mean he’s sick of being with you. You opt of the latter, because you’re building your case that “men always leave”. And your paranoia and need for constant reassurance make it more likely that he will leave.

If your behavior you controlled by the negative attitudes and decisions you’ve made, exposing your negative attitudes is the first step you can take towards being able to have the kind of relationship you really want.

The next step is to become aware of how these have been holding you back. Sometimes our unconscious attitudes and fears come in the form of “sabotage patterns” – the particular ways that we go about destroying our relationships. The first thing to know about your pattern o sabotage is that it’s hidden.

So finding out how your sabotage will help enable you to stop. Here are seven ways you may sabotage your relationship, as well as the reasons you may do so – and what you can do to change your behaviour in your relationship:

Sabotage situation # 1:

“I love a guy who’s a real challenge”

Are you always attracted to guys you can’t have? Do you lose interest in someone once he falls for you? Are you easily bored in relationship?

There are several variations to the “liking the chase” pattern: Going after the most popular or unattainable guy, but when you ‘get’ him, feeling as if you won the booby prize; having a string of relationship that fall apart because you lost interest in each man after a while; liking guys who treat with indifference, but when they act nice to you, feeling as they’re clingy.

What really going on: This pattern is nothing to do with liking a challenge. It is all about low self-esteem – yours. Groucho Marx used to joke, “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.” If you have this pattern, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone who has poor enough taste to be in love with you. But if you can’t love someone who loves you, you’re not going to be able to have much of a relationship.

What can you do about it: Next time a partner start being appreciative and attentive, don’t run away screaming. Instead, try this tact give yourself a chance to see how it feels to be liked. Instead of running away, remind yourself that liking you is a sign of someone’s good taste.

Sabotage situation #2:

“Guys walk all over me”

Do men take advantage of you? Are you always the one who “gives” in a relationship? Do you think most men are “takers”? You’re always there with patience and understanding when they need you, but they don’t treat you the same.

What’s really going on: If you have this pattern, you’re no happy unless you’re mistreated, so you manipulate others into doing just that. To keep your partners from being as good as you are, you ask them to do things for you when you know they have no time. Or you ask in such an accusatory tone that they have to say no. When they do try to do things for you, you don’t react graciously-you complain that whatever they did wasn’t done right.

What you can do about it: It’s important to keep a close watch on your actions in order to resist your tendency to “gives” as means of manipulating your partner. When you do give, don’t keep score. Stop looking at what he is doing or not doing for you, and when he does something nice be appreciative.

Sabotage situation #3:

“I’m always getting dumped out of the blue”

Are you always surprised when a relationship ends? Did you think it was really going well? You know you never do anything that drives them away- you never nag or expect too much. And you’re always careful to avoid conflict.

What’s really going on: People with this pattern have their heads buried in the sand. Mary, a 25-year-old accounts assistant used to be classic ostrich. The last boyfriend she had before she took seminar (I give “How not to stay single” seminars in different parts of the world) Left her suddenly, just like the others. For her, his departure “came out of the blue.” She thinks that he left her because she was going through a quarter-life crisis.

What she realized in my seminar was that by avoiding conflict, she had not addressed many of the problems that existed in the relationship. She though if she ignored them would go away, but of course they didn’t.

With her unwillingness to communicate about anything uncomfortable, the wasn’t much to talk about. Her “don’t rock the boat” attitude made her relationships boring and mundane.

What you can do about it: Start noticing when you want to ignore the issues that arise in your relationships. Stop letting them go by. When your discomfort threatens to keep you from communicating, remind yourself what refusing to confront issues costs you.

Sabotage situation #4:

"I'm just trying to be helpful, but guys think I'm nit-picking"

Are you always offering helpful advice? Do you tend to become your boyfriend's 'adviser'?

What's really going on: This was my own personal pattern. I tried to 'help' men by pointing out how they could improve and by constantly correcting them. If you have this pattern, you probably consider yourself to be very perceptive. You think you're using your insight to help the people you date, but what you're actually doing is constantly finding and pointing out theirs faults. The message the get from you, however subtle, is that they're not okay to you.

What can you do about it: Start using your intelligence and perceptiveness to build people up instead of down. For example, if he asks you, "What do you think of this," instead of giving your usually brilliant answer, ask him what he thinks instead. when he tells you, don't disagree and don't offer a better solution.

Sabotage situation #5:

"I'm always get clingy and needy when I'm in a relationship"

When you get involved in a relationship, do feel that you need to be together all the time? Do you become thoroughly dependent on him? Do you become intensely focused on him?

What's really going on: You are dependent on others for your own identity. You feel that you're "nobody till somebody loves you".

What you can do about it: Just admitting you feel this way is a great first step. Next time you notice the desperate or clingy feelings coming over you, take a step back and see if you can nip that feeling in the bud.

Sabotage situation #6:

"I'm always fall in love with guys who never love me back"

Do you fall for men you can't have? Do you become obsessed with them? Do you think once you find true love, your life will be complete?

What's really going on: You aren't in love with a person; you're in love with your image of one. Your fear of rejection lies at the root of this pattern. The fact that your fantasy lover doesn't return your affection isn't a real rejection, because you think if he really knew you, he would love you.

What can you do about it: Next time you find yourself falling into an unrequited love affair, ask yourself if you would rather have a fantasy relationship or a real one. Then face reality: If the person you're crazy about isn't asking you out, he probably isn't interested.

You need to stop dwelling on these 'dream' people. Resist the impulse to fantasies about them and don't feed your tendency to get obsessed by keeping things around that make you think of them or frequenting places where you might run into them.

Sabotage situation #7:

"I'm always get involved with guys who screw me over"

Have you been burned one too many times? Lied to? cheated on? Have you decided that you're not going to let someone get close to you unless you're sure that he won't violate your trust?

What's really going on: Yes, you've been hurt, and yes, by protecting yourself you won't get hurt again. But the protective fortress you've erected around yourself is keeping Mr. Right out along with the people who might hurt you. The requirement that someone prove his trustworthiness before you'll allow yourself to get close keeps you unavailable for relationships.

What you can do about it: You have to be willing to risk getting hurt. In order to fall in love, your heart have to be open enough that it could be broken. Getting to know someone and letting someone get to know you is the only way to find out if you're right for each other.

You may have clearly recognised your pattern among those described. You may even see yourself in several of them. so once you identified it, you can begin to turn it around. But don't expect to see it disappear overnight. You may always need to be aware of your pattern so that you don't fall into it again.

6 REASONS Men Hate "Chick Flicks"

2007-03-02T00:35:00.002+08:00

1. The Sex scenes are always implied

2. The man the girl enlist to be the other man is always the man she ends up with.

3. Julia Robert- We're over her.

4. The stereotypical gay friend added for comic relief

5. That obligatory kiss in the rain

6. The makeover scene

SMART REPORT- Instant Career Makeover

2007-03-01T20:14:00.001+08:00

Have absolutely no idea what job you should do, or where your career's headed? Don't stress, everyone had a "What the hell am I going to do with my life?" freak out. "What you enjoy doing is what you should be doing for a living," says Sally O'Keefe, author of Career Girl: Get The Job You Love. You should want to do your job even if you weren't getting paid for it. You have all the skills you need to have a successful and fantastic career, you just need to work out what jobs suit your personal attributes best," How? It's all about this five-steps plan:

1. Keep a career diary and write down all the things that interest you. If a magazine story about charities jumps out, jot that down. If you see an ad on TV that you can relate to, make a not of it.

2. Do your quiz and start thinking about your best qualities, skills and strengths. Which ones can you utilize in your career? There are heaps of personality test on the Net-Try www.quintcareers.com or www.monster.com.

3. Check out www.jobsdb.com for a full lists of careers. There are a ton of jobs you may never have heard of, but one of them could be totally perfect for you. Like what, you ask? Let's say you enjoy working with food and people. Have you considered a career as a dietitian? Perhaps you like kids and reading. How about children's book editing? Creative and addicted to the Web? Maybe a career in website design is the way to go.

4. Research, research, research. Talk to people in your desired industry. Find out what training you need and whether any of your experience is an asset. And click on www.careerpress.com - it offers books on all kinds of industries, from finance to teaching to accounting with stacks of info to help you embark on a career in that field.

5. Do work experience. Volunteering your time (and being prepared to do anything, from opening mail to coffee runs), will provide knowledge about the industry, and could even help you land a job.

HELLO, dream job? Where are you?
If job hunting is in your too-hard basket, you'd better get it out again. Here's how to find a top job, fast...

>>>Work hurdle 1:
" I don't have any experience"
Get Over it: Companies say they're often prepared to sacrifice formal formal qualifications for a positives, can-do attitude," says Christina Bucci, a career consultant. "So while some job ads may specify tertiary education, if candidate can demonstrate transferable skills, then they should submit their application."

>>> Work hurdle 2:
"There are no jobs out there for me."
Get over it: Career web have more than 100,000 position advertised. "With the unemployment rate on the decrease, it's definitely a job seeker's market," says one headhunter. "If you're thinking about changing jobs o starting a career, there's never been a better time."

>>> Work hurdle 3:
"I don't have time to look"
Get over it: Most career websites have a "job mail" facility. This allows you to get daily updates of available jobs via email. Perfect the time-deprived!

Together Again?

2007-02-28T21:08:00.003+08:00

When you should give a broken another try.

My friend Naomi breezed into my flat the other day, smiling broadly after a marathon 36-hour date. “I think this could really work,” she mused. “I feel like I’m ready and so is he. He was so open and really loving.” Was I hearing right? Wasn’t this the same guy she’d dumped a few months earlier, hissing that he was “difficult and self-obsessed”? What happened? “Well,” Naomi explained, “we thought things over and decided to give it one more try.”

I wasn’t convinced. How likely was it, I wondered, that he’d managed a complete personality change in such a sort time? And what chance was there that Naomi – a woman who remembers the exact position of an indelible stain that turned up on her favourite jumper after her sister borrowed it six years ago – would be able to put the past behind her and begin afresh.

Naomi however was brimming over with enthusiasm, and she’s not the first girl to feel that way. Many women are willing to give a relationship a second (and maybe even third) try. Once in a while these women are right or, at lease, some of them are right enough times to make the rest of us believe in the possibility of successful reunions. So, we agree to a romantic dinner, and are thrilled by the words, “God, you look great.” We promise to stop being so bossy if he’ll try to stop looking bored and, hey presto, a relationship reborn.

But, as the Germans discovered after the Berlin Wall came down, reunification can be complicated. “once the dust has settled,” Say Alicia, another friend of mine, “and the drama of getting back has passed, you invariably suffer a nasty jolt when you get back to reality.” “Oh, that’s right,” you think, “now I remember – he puts me down in public.” This isn’t to say that the only time you should get back together is when one of you has only six months to live. But before you face the heavyweight question- should I take him back? Perhaps you should go a few rounds with some preliminary issues.

First, it’s not enough to forgive each other for the past crimes. You have to be willing to revisit the scenes of those crimes, to provoke his jealous rage to find out if it’s still there. And he may have to invite his mates over so you can see if you still hate them. This is where the fun ends and the dirty, sometimes painful, work begins!

Don’t get distracted by big speeches, grand gestures, or the sparkling diamond in the velvet box proffered by a seemingly humble male on bended knee. These ploys can be impressive, but you’re required to rule on evidence – that he’d changed, you’ve changed, therefore the relationship has also changed for the better.

Sometime the price of a reunion is too high. I remember a time when I badly wanted to get back together with an old boyfriend who’d dumped me for some months earlier. Now dumped himself, he called hoping we could try again. “So tell me,” I asked him after hours of discussion, “what was it about her that you found so attractive?” His answer: She was quite, sporty and didn’t waste time on psychological analysis.” In short she was complete opposite of me. Our relationship could work again only if I had personality transplant, and I was nowhere near desperate enough to consider that.

Maybe your ex wants you just the way you are/were. Or maybe you’re convinced that Mr. Right, The Sequel will be an improvement on the original. Proceed, then, but do so with caution. Don’t give up even a promising blind date to be with him, because resurrecting a relationship, like buying a bikini by mail order, requires a willful disregard of the odds. All you can do is wonder whether hope will triumph over experience.

Interview Tips!

2007-01-29T01:41:00.001+08:00

Author: Ngeow Yeok Meng
Date: 10-May-2004

In most interviews, knowing what the interviewer is looking for means you have won half of the battle. The other half of the battle: be prepared to show your knowledge about the organisation, ask tactful questions about the job, and give a good impression that you can do better than others, if you are offered the job.

The interviewer has two methods of judging your suitability for the job. First, by questioning you and evaluating the things about you and your experience, based on what you tell him. Second, by observing person-to-person how you handle the interview.

If you have obviously planned your interview well, for example by showing that you are knowledgeable about the organisation, the interviewer will assume that you are also capable of planning and making a good job of your tasks. The converse is also true – a bad performance at interview could mean an unsatisfactory performance at the job.

If you have the experience and ability to do the job, make sure that you do not let your interview performance let you down. Since in most cases, the interviewer has no prior knowledge of the candidates except their letter of application, the first impression you give is extremely important. If you are of average intelligence or have few qualifications, do not despair. The most important factor is your actual achievements and the positive way in which you put these over to the interviewer.

Here are five areas that help the interviewer select the right person for the right job: intelligence, qualification, adjustment, impact on others, motivation and achievements.

Intelligence means your cognitive powers to take in and interpret information. You should be quick in understanding all questions posed by the interviewer, and providing simple and concise answers to them. Nevertheless, a person who is too intelligent, by giving complicated answers to simple questions, may give an impression that he is a thinker not a doer.

Qualifications is necessary for certain professional jobs. So make sure you possess the formal qualifications required or the experience needed when applying for that particular position. It is important to show your knowledge and interest of the relevant professional institution in your field of work, as this will also reflect your enthusiasm towards the profession.

Adjustment means adaptation to life in general and work in particular. The interviewer would like to know whether you have a good capacity to withstand stress, whether you are always in control even in the most unfavourable situations, whether you are emotionally stable, and whether you can do things on your own initiative. Most important of all, your friendly or hostile relationship with the people around you. Impact on others means anything from the use of simple language, the way you speak, the way you dress, to your physical appearance throughout the interview. If you can talk from your own personal experience using real life situations, make sense of things happen around you, think in terms of things and not people, you are more likely to give an impression of a mature person and a problem-solver much in demand by any employer.

Motivation and achievement are two important indicators of your general attitudes toward work and career. Assessment will be based on the following:

- Can you motivate yourself and work on your own initiative?
- Do you set yourself goals and achievements?
- Can you get things done even when faced with difficulties?
- Are you a dreamer or an action-driven person?
- Have you long term career objectives?
- Have you reached the level one would expect for your age or qualifications?
- Which kind of work or activity has given you the most satisfaction?
- Are you a person who can deliver on time and meet deadlines?
- Do you present your boss with problems or solutions?
- Do you have initiative to finish work?
- Do you pay attention to detail?
- Do you perform well when the going get tough?
- Are you good at problem solving?

The interviewer will not ask the above questions directly as the answers should come from what you have accomplished, not what you plan to do in future. The interviewer will skillfully find out the answers by asking what you have been involved in, your interests, your strengths, your weaknesses, the challenges in your pursuit of knowledge or previous work, your perception of yourself, your dreams and objectives in life.

If you are honest with yourself in the interview, you can avoid being worried about inconsistency in your answers. Never mind if the first impression you give is imperfect to the interviewer. The worst thing that could happen is when you lie about yourself, and have the
interviewer sense it before the end of the interview session.

How to ace a tele-interview when it counts
Author: Koon Mei Ching
Date: 10-May-2004

Trying to prove your mettle during a 30-minute interview is hard enough as we well know. Trying to achieve the same effect over a 30 minute telephone interview is another ballgame altogether.

The advantages you can leverage through a freshly pressed suit, a brilliant Colgate smile or a firm handshake are no longer available. You are now challenged to convey the very same effects via the tone of your voice, content of your speech and the cadence of your answers. No mean feat.

Having the opportunity to carry out a considerable number of tele-interviews over the past few weeks, a number of glaring interview mistakes came to my attention as I attempted to screen for successful candidates. This is my advice…

Loud and clear
Nearly a forgone conclusion, but here we go: speak up! Pronounce your words clearly and speak confidently. The qualities of an impressive candidate must be conveyed through verbal aptitude. If you mess up this first criterion, it will adversely affect the praises detailed in your resume. In the end, the interview is about verifying your lofty claims made out in the CV - unless you speak up, we might never get that far.

Remember your interview appointment
Being greeted by an “erm…who is this again, ah?” response to my introduction is most definitely an impression-breaker. Your aim is to impress us…not to make us cringe.

Grab a quiet corner somewhere
We don’t care where you find it, just do it. I just held an interview this afternoon where the candidate told us that he was not free to take the call at the moment (a scheduled one at that), and suggested we call back later. Upon granting him that grace, he proceeded to conduct the interview whilst taking the time to have casual chats with passing friends or stifle a guffaw at what was perceived to be a joke whispered to him. If the recruiters don’t get to enjoy the joke, it certainly won’t help you.

Have your resume ready
The interviewer will most likely be basing the interview upon your submitted resume, so it would help to have the same materials ready before you for reference should questions be raised about its content. Hesitating or saying, “I don’t think I remember,” is not an option you should use.

When taking the time to think, share it with us
There may come moments of “blank canvas” when you need some time to unearth an appropriate answer from the recesses of your mind. If you were at a physical interview, we would be able to read your body language and understand that you are thinking. When you do the same thing on the other end of a phone line, it just translates into silence … usually a strange atmosphere for the “blind” interviewer. Hence, take the time to share with him/her that you need some time to think about it, so they patiently know what to expect.

Don’t assume anything and no exclamations of “What?!”
Although the advances in telephony have been great, the clarity of a speakerphone can be distorted. When you are unclear of what was said, you should neither pretend you heard the question, nor make reflex exclamations of “ha?” or “what?” This certainly jolted me at a recent interview and made a very bad impression on the professional etiquette of the candidate. Manners have never been more important than on the telephone. Use them.

Ask intelligent questions
Okay, so this applies whether or not you sit in a physical interview or in the comforts of your own home. Nonetheless, the interviewer will use any opportunity gauge your intelligence, thought process and potential for success. Usually, well thought out questions aimed at the interviewer shows preparation, research, interest in the company and ultimately, a brain. Ask about the company, graduate programmes, development opportunities, the economic impact on the company etc. Even surprise questions can work to your benefit if they display intelligent inquisitiveness. I was asked today why the company was hiring external consultants to conduct the screening interviews. That question threw me, but we liked being thrown.

Always bow out gracefully
With no eye contact and a good grip to seal the end of the interview, your last impression will hinge upon the end of the phone call. Be courteous, thank the interviewers and express your gratitude for the opportunity.

Although not entirely common, the tele-interview may occur especially if you are applying for a position in another city or country. In some ways, it is less nerve wracking than the physical event, but its importance to your application is not diminished by any degree. Make the effort … even if you are sitting there in your pajamas. Ultimately, the interviewers want to grab you as much as you want to convince them. So, help them and you help yourself.

Guys Tell All! Pay Anttention all you women!

2007-01-25T00:42:00.004+08:00

Why do guys check out other women?

Just Browsing

A Thinker asked:

Why can't guys control themselves when it comes to looking at other women? They stand there gawking at every "babe" walking by even when they're with their girlfriend or wife!

A Life of the Party answered:

According to Dr. Phil, this goes back to caveman days. And how does Dr. Phil know this? (Other than the fact that he looks like a Cro-Magnon?) Because other women are hot! LOL... Maybe you should look too once in a while!

Anyway, it's hard enough for guys to remember to put the toilet seat down... having to control our eye movements would take more brain power than we possess :)

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Because guys are more visually/sexually oriented. That's why most pornographic stuff is bought by guys. We love looking at women.

Also, it helps that we can separate love from sex such that we don't have to be "in love" to enjoy sex or sexual thoughts.

What sexual position do guys like most?

A Thinker asked:

Do men like women to be on top when having sex? Do you like it better if you're on top?

A Mr. Married Guy answered:

Men like it for many reasons: First, it allows the woman to show him the motion and depth she likes. Second, it's easier for him to maintain the erection. Third (and I hope I say this tastefully), the view is great. Fourth, he knows the woman is into the moment. Fifth, his hands are free to wander over his partner's beautiful body. I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Any position where both people can feel the body's different areas, inside and out, is very erotic. A woman being on top allows me to rest my back and legs and have a great view, and it gives me lots of places to touch and feel. I also like seeing the woman's face as she moves and makes wonderfully orgasmic sounds. Also, I think women like being top, and that makes it fun for me... my impression is that they seem to get the right types of stimulation this way.

We're not exclusive--so why is he jealous?

Booty Call Bingo

A Thinker asked:

A guy and I have been doing booty calls for over a year. The thing is, he gets mad when he calls me and hears other guys in the background. Why does he get so possessive if he claims he doesn't want a relationship?

A Player answered:

Because he's a schmuck, just like me! He wants the best of both worlds -- no commitment from his end, and total commitment from yours. He's probably got a half-dozen numbers to call, and when he's drunk and horny he plays Booty Call Bingo. Tell the chump the game's over.

A Guy Critical answered:

You're deceiving yourself when you say you aren't dating. You are dating, it's just that your dates consist of sex, not dinner and a movie. Also, jealousy and possessiveness aren't dependent on where in the "dating" stage you are. You can't sleep with someone for a year and not develop feelings for them. And even if you can, you'd be silly to expect him not to (in spite of what he may say).

Should I wait for him to say "I love you" for the first time?

It's Primal

A Sport if asked:

Should I say "I love you," or wait for my guy to say it first? And do guys feel they have to clarify if they're "in love," versus loving someone? (i.e. "I'm not IN LOVE with you, but I love you?"). What's the difference, and if he's not 'in love' with me, should I end it?

A Guy Critical answered:

News flash: no guy is going to understand what you're asking beyond the first sentence. We don't analyze our feelings that much. If he says he loves you, he means he loves you in the way that a man loves a woman, not in the way he loves football and beer.

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Men hate making themselves psychologically vulnerable, perhaps in the same way that women hate making themselves physically vulnerable. Revealing feelings of this sort in the schoolyard was a surefire way to get beaten up, and most men get scarred by the schoolyard in one way or another.

But most guys (pigs & players aside) will avoid saying "I love you" unless they're IN love with a girl.

Should you say it first? Well, if the thought is fairly new to you, you might want to wait a while. But if you've felt this way for months, you should move things along by letting him know.

I believe in getting the feelings out there and dealing with them in a straightforward way. Some guys don't want commitment. If that's the case with this guy -- well, frankly, you're better off finding out sooner rather than later.

How to Fall out of Love With Someone

2007-01-25T00:31:00.003+08:00

Are you the victim of cruel fate? Does the "perfect" mate think you are just "cool?" Although it might feel like you'll never find somebody better, there are some ways you can move on...

Steps

Realize you are worth someone who loves you. You are worth someone who thinks you are beautiful and awesome. They might say "You are my best friend; I feel like I can talk to you more than anyone else, even my boyfriend/girlfriend." This is manipulation. So is the look they give you that makes you melt. It's always flattering to have an admirer, but you deserve better than to just be somebody's ego boost.
See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it'll be to get on with your life. It's completely possible that you're idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to; or you could simply not know the person well enough to have seen their flaws. Either way, accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you -- because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them.
Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. You don't have to cut the person off completely (although that is an option). Don't call him/her, don't go places where you know he/she frequents, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.
Date. While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to date people that you like. Don't settle for whomever asks you out, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don't love back! Approach people, try new things. You might want to compare everyone to the object of your affection, and you won't think anyone measures up. Stop this right now. You know there's someone better out there. Go find him or her!
Do whatever you can to make you feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, be wild, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see you for the great person you are! There are those out there who will.
Try cognitive conditioning similar to a Pavlov's dog's response. Every time you obsess over this person try thinking about something repulsive (Gonorrhea is a good one). Pretty soon, you will start associating this person with repulsion that eventually the person's name will invoke disgust.

Tips

"Settle" is the key word here. You should never want someone to settle for you and that is exactly what would happen if they decided to get with you. They know you, all of the good and maybe even the bad. They know and they don't want it now. Their loss!

Warnings

The object of your affection might notice you are distancing yourself from them. They will try to get you to see them more. Say you have been really busy with all of these new activities and you will make some time for them soon. Tell them you care for them, but you have other things to do too. You must have a life separate from theirs.

Things You'll Need

A positive attitude
The nerve to decline their calls
The realization that you are the most important person in your life

5 Guys Every Gal Should Date Before Settling Down

2007-01-24T23:42:00.002+08:00

So, you want a boyfriend. You're sick of the singles scene and ready to move right past "Go" and settle down with someone who will carry you straight into your happily ever after. Well, hold it right there, Miss Antsy-Pants! Before you go tango into the sunset with Mr. Right, you've got to take a few spins around the dating dance floor with a few Mr. Right Nows. Dating different personality types is the most effective way to find out your likes, dislikes and deal breakers. In fact, spending time with the wrong guys — namely these five — can actually make you a better package when Mr. Fabulous comes along.

Mr. Nice Romantic Guy

He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship, where you're being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he'll call.

Celebrity Counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco

What He'll Teach You: This affectionate man will show you a softer side of our male counterparts (what a relief to have someone fawn over you for a change!), all the while raising your expectations of how you wish to be treated. After realizing that there are guys out there who understand the importance of a random note or kiss in the moonlight, you'll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future.

The Catch: Most of the time these guys are in love with the idea of love. This means they will come on strong but lose momentum in the long haul as the reality of a relationship sets in (i.e., disagreements, uneventful days), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him and enjoy the experience! Just keep a level head while he floats around you.

Mr. Big Shot

He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly coiffed looks of a man straight out of a lad mag. One look at him in his tailored suit and you're toast — which is exactly why he wears it.

Celebrity Counterparts: Chris Noth as Mr. Big, any Bond

What He'll Teach You: From sending your nether regions to Brazil (Mr. Big Shot doesn't 'do' granny panties) to the proper way to age a Cabernet, you're in for a crash course in the finer way of life. Dinners will be four-star and the conversation will witty. You'll walk from this relationship more sophisticated and well-aware of your own inner vixen.

The Catch: As the 007 of romance, he's going in for the kill. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect it's having on you — and every other girl around him. The odds of this guy slipping out of his suit and into a comfy relationship are low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the smooth ride around the town while it lasts.

Mr. Sexy Older Guy

He's old enough to have settled into his skin and has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you late for dinner because he's playing Xbox.

Celebrity Counterparts: Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas

What He'll Teach You: He's got a lifetime of experience to share (in and out of the bedroom), which will likely keep you on your toes (and curling them, too!). Plus, he'll show you how to see life in a different way. No matter how long it lasts or how it ends, you'll walk away worldlier — and will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay again.

The Catch: Despite what Demi and Ashton might say, age is more than a number. If you are just starting to get comfortable in your skin and he's shed his several times, there is a good chance you'll have issues with long-term compatibility. Sure, he's hot now, but how will you feel in 10 years? Give one another a thrill, then move onto someone you both can relate to.

Mr. Man's Man

He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his eyebrows.

Celebrity Counterparts: Frank Sinatra, Russell Crowe

What He'll teach You: This rough rogue will have you relishing in your femininity like no other. Why? There is something about raw masculinity that brings out the damsel in all of us. Dating this bruiser will show you how fun it can be when he shows you who the man is (think Rhett Butler when he scooped Scarlett up those stairs!). Dating him will do one of two things: make you squeal with delight or appreciate your ability and right to wear the pants sometimes. Regardless, be sure to play Scarlett at least once — trust us!

The Catch: You're dying to be wined and dined but he's already made plans to meet you down at the pub. This is the guy who gets inspired by Braveheart and cries only "out of frustration." He's also prone to affairs… with his favorite sports teams. Oh, and forget about asking him to hold your purse while you do anything — he wouldn't dare.

Mr. Fun Social Guy

Whether he's out with friends or meeting the family for brunch, one thing's for certain: He's going to be the life of the party.

Celebrity Counterparts: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn

What He'll Teach You: There is something very attractive about a man who's always ready to have a good time. You'll laugh a lot and learn how to go with the flow and let things slide. These types are often quite spontaneous, which means you should be ready for anything from a quickie to a quick dash to Vegas.

The Catch: Most people are social because they like the company of others, but Fun Social Guys are social because they love to be the center of attention — and they love the excitement of something new. This poses an issue for long-term loves because A) who wants to be an audience member 24/7, and B) let's face it, relationships can get dull at times — what will he do then? Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, but don't be afraid to walk away to more stable ground.

Would Somebody Please Explain My Husband?

2007-01-24T23:00:00.003+08:00

A well-known Christian author and his wife once summed up their relationship in 13 words: "Put us together, and we add up to a fairly decent human being."

I enjoyed their self-deprecating sense of humor, and only later realized they were rephrasing a profound biblical truth: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

When two people become one, they compensate for each other's deficiencies. If I were left to my own devices, for instance, I'd turn into the Tom Hanks character in Cast Away. But team me up with my wife, Jeanette, the Queen of Sociability, and I turn into a reasonably presentable human being.

While we husbands benefit greatly from being married, we often don't communicate it well. Women are into relational nuances—the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning. Men basically wonder if there are any more mashed potatoes.

One night, Jeanette and I sat quietly, enjoying ourselves in the corner of a candle-lit restaurant. Then, out of nowhere, she looked into my eyes and said, "Let's talk about our relationship." It always makes me nervous when she says that.

Relationships are usually complex, and guys are pretty basic. A husband tends to think in concrete terms. Instead of pondering his marriage, he'll picture the woman he comes home to at night, the woman with whom he has children, the woman with whom he shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.

What else about your husband do you wish you understood? Let me toss out seven things that might help explain a few of your husband's odd behaviors.

1 A man does more talking—and listening—when he's unaware it's happening.

Most guys don't overwhelm their wife with deep inner feelings! However, there's a way to get your husband to share what's going on inside. It involves talking to him the same way his buddies do—while doing something else. Men go fishing, watch a ball game, or help each other move a pool table down to the basement. And of course, they talk a lot while they're doing these things.

For Jeanette and me, all it took was building a wood rack together. I got out the lumber and power tools; Jeanette gathered the nails, screws, and tape measure. Amid the noise and sawdust, she told me she was struggling over whether we should make a long-distance road trip to visit her parents. I'd already told her I'd do whatever she decided, but Jeanette needed to talk out the options. While we built a rack to hold our firewood, we discussed the pros and cons. What else could I do? I had to hang around until we finished the wood rack.

Take it from me. If you start doing more stuff with your husband, you'll find he actually has a lot to say. And he'll listen a lot better, too.

2 If a man pauses before answering a question, that doesn't mean he's losing interest in the conversation.

Guys really get into it when they're verbally sparring with their buddies, so you might wonder why your husband can't invest that kind of passion in sharing with you.

When a guy "shares" with his wife, he knows his every utterance carries a meaning even he doesn't realize. So he's extra careful about what he says. That explains the frequent pauses.

One night after dinner, Jeanette came back to the table and sat down as I was reading the newspaper. Jeanette wanted to talk about how I was dealing with our recent move. In the months since we'd left the Midwest, I'd been saying how thrilled I was to be living in Colorado. This was beginning to wear on Jeanette, who wondered if I still had a beating heart in my chest.

Finally, I laid the newspaper aside. "I don't miss the weather or the traffic," I told her. "But I do really miss Ed and Joann. We always had a great time when we got together. I hope they'll come visit us."

Jeanette tells me I revealed this sense of loss amid several pauses. She resisted the urge to hurry the conversation by guessing what I missed most. She told me later her patience paid off when I finally indicated I was hurting about some of the people we'd left behind.

(Note to any husband reading this article: If your wife sits down at the dinner table after the meal, lay down the newspaper. That's one of those silent signals we're supposed to pick up on.)

3 If your husband likes to hang around the house, he's actually paying you a compliment.

Here's one way to tell if your husband thinks your marriage is going well. He won't work late unless he absolutely has to, and he won't overload his schedule with meetings and golf dates with his buddies. The reason? He'd rather be home with you.

Sounds good so far, right? But let's say you've had a terrible week, and as Friday approaches, all you can think about is getting out of the house for a quiet dinner and maybe even a movie. You can picture the restaurant, taste the appetizer, even smell the popcorn at the theater. But your husband gets home from work on Friday and all he wants to do is stay put. Before you take it personally, remember that if he wants to hang out at home, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to do something with you. It just means he wants to do something with you at home. I realize a steady diet of staying home eventually will drive you up the wall. But for now, take it as a compliment. Maybe next Friday he'll have more ambition.

4 When your husband's a little short with you, 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you.

Some things that really bug your husband are taxes, bills, his boss, and the ever-present threat of male pattern baldness. For me, the most frequent low-level life stress is automobile-related. Our cars break down with unnerving regularity.

One afternoon, Jeanette called me from work to say that when she pulled into her office parking lot, steam poured out from under our van's hood. I picked up some antifreeze, several jugs of water, and headed off to her office. Sitting at a red light, I made a mental list of what causes coolant to leak: a cracked radiator or heater hose, a bad water pump, or the worst possibility—a blown head gasket.

By the time I arrived at Jeanette's office, I'd worked myself into a lather over the likelihood this repair would drain us financially. That means I wasn't all smiles and affectionate greetings when Jeanette walked out to meet me. As I poured antifreeze into the radiator and watched a new green pool form on the ground, I asked Jeanette to follow me to the repair shop. Then I took off down the street.

Here's the significant thing about this story: Jeanette didn't take my fit of pique personally. She understood I was angry at the situation, not at her. (Now to any guy reading this: It was the head gasket. It set us back $1,800.)

So if your husband acts less than chummy and you wonder if it's something you said, think about what else has happened in his life. He probably had some huge, last-minute project dumped on his desk that afternoon. Or maybe he just opened the mail and looked at the VISA bill. You, he loves. The credit card bill he'd gladly burn at the stake.

5 The words husband and hint don't belong in the same sentence.

I maintain there's a perfectly good explanation for why guys are clueless. It's because wives like to hint around at what they mean; then they wonder why their husbands aren't responding.

Take last Thanksgiving, for instance. Jeanette and I had a houseful of guests, some of whom were watching football in the family room. Being a good host, I figured I'd watch it with them. Just then, from the kitchen, Jeanette said, and I quote, "Ron." She used that tone that means I'd messed up—without specifying the infraction.

"Should I feed the fire?" I asked. That wasn't it. "Do you want me to help you get the dishes out?" Not that, either. "Is it time for me to take drink orders?" Wrong again. Finally, I hit on it. "You don't want me to watch football while other guests visit in the living room, do you?" Bingo! At last I'd guessed correctly. But it would have been less frustrating if Jeanette had just said, "I don't think you should watch football while the other guests entertain themselves in another room." If she'd uttered those words, I would have caught on. Honest.

6 Many men are clothing challenged.

Forget those immaculately attired GQ guys; a chimpanzee would look great if he had a team of trained professionals picking out his clothes, too. Assuming you're married to a regular guy, chances are your husband suffers from a combination of fashion blindness and ensemble dyslexia. Sometimes we freeze up. Does this tie go with this jacket? Are these socks black or navy blue? If I wear the pink polo shirt, will other guys start asking me out?

I have a friend who had to make a big presentation at work, and he wanted to make a good impression. That morning, he noticed a new sweater hanging on his side of the closet and was overcome by a wave of gratitude. His wife, realizing the importance of this presentation, had been thoughtful enough to buy him a really nice sweater.

He wore the stylish garment to work, gave the presentation, and came home to tell his wife about it. She listened attentively, then asked, "But why did you wear my sweater?"

I'm not saying guys are clothing idiots; I'm just saying we can use a little help. If it weren't for our wives, we'd be giving people the fashion willies every time we left the house.

7 A guy likes to put disagreements behind him.

Most guys think there's only one proven method of making up after an argument, and that involves getting physically close. My friend Michael speaks for a multitude of husbands when he says that as soon as the fight's over, physical contact with his wife helps him feel things are once again okay.

"I don't carry grudges," he says. "But Susan's different. When we strongly disagree about something, or when I've hurt her in some way, she feels distant from me, and it takes more time than I'd like to get close again. As for me, I can get close within minutes of a fight, even if it really hurt my feelings."

Michael's prescription for reconnecting after an argument: "Sex at a time like this? Sure!" To that, the men of the husband brotherhood add: "Why not?"

In the immortal words of Phil Callaway, author of I Used to Have Answers, Now I Have Kids (Harvest House): "We husbands have three desires in life: food, sex, and. … we can't think of the third thing. Seriously, a happy guy makes a great husband. And it doesn't take much to make us happy."

I can't speak for Phil, but I remember the third thing that keeps me happy. Every few weeks, I need Jeanette to tell me whether my brown loafers go with the khaki trousers or the navy blue pants. Every time she clarifies this for me, I'm a really happy man.